Καύλωσέ με! (αν μπορείς…)

Transmisogyny
By: Alok Vaid-Menon

Promise me that I will matter if I don’t shave.
Promise me that I will matter if I don’t wear a dress.
Promise me that I will matter if I don’t wear makeup.
Promise me that I will matter if I am not fabulous.
Promise me that I will matter if I am ugly.
Promise me that I don’t have to have been “born this way” to matter.
Promise me that I don’t have to always have known to matter.
Promise me that you will not assume what it was like for me to grow up.
Promise that I don’t have to modify my body to matter.
Promise me that you won’t call me a man no matter what I look like.
Promise me that you will not repost all of the articles about how we shouldn’t assume gender (and then still do it).
Promise me that I don’t have to perform white femininity to matter.
Promise me that I don’t have to perform cis femininity to matter.
Promise me that I don’t have upper class femininity to matter.
Promise me that you see the femme in my hairy body.
Promise that you see the femme in my brown body.
Promise that you see the femme in my messy, uncouth, dirty, scarred body.
Promise that you understand that my gender is not just a hobby or a politic.
Promise me that you understand that I wasn’t just assigned male at birth, I’m assigned male every day walking on the street.
Promise me that as a form of street harassment.
Promise me that you understand that as a form of gender violence.
Promise that you understand that I am hurt.
Promise me that you understand that I am scared.
Promise that you’re okay with my gender coming from violence.
Promise me that you understand that sometimes I prioritize my safety over your binary.
Promise me that you will allow me to narrate the story of my body.
Promise me that you won’t love me like a man, kiss me like a man, fuck me like a man.
Promise me you won’t forget that when you’re horny.
Promise me you won’t forget that when you bring me home.
Promise me that you’ll say something when they call me ‘he.’
Promise me that they will not look back on my life and call this a phase.
Promise me that you believe me when I tell you this not a phase.
Promise that I will matter when I am too tired to prove my gender to you.

(Or don’t.
I’m used to it).

 

Yes, it’s crazy. Love is either crazy or it’s nothing at all.

- Milan Kundera

 

 

We are going to the moon that is not very far. Man has so much farther to go within himself.
- Anaïs Nin

 

 

Όταν αρχίζει η πυρκαγιά
καίει πρώτα τις σκέψεις μου
Οι εραστές-φαντάσματα
εκκενώνουν το σπίτι τρομάζοντας
απ'τις φωνές μου
και δεν έχει μείνει λέξη
να τους φωνάξω πίσω
όλες γίνονται στάχτη.
Τα δόντια μου τρίζουν και
τα χέρια μου τρέμουν γιατί
ξέρουν,ξερουν πως η πιο
εύθραυστη αλήθεια είναι το σώμα σου
οι φωτιές των χειλιών σου που λιώνουν
τις παγωμένες καρδιές
οι φωτιές των δαχτύλων σου που γιατρεύουν
την πληγή της ψυχής.
Έτσι η πιο όμορφη ανακάλυψη του ανθρώπου
είναι η φωτιά στα σωθικά του.

Όταν αρχίζει η καταιγίδα
ξεπλένει πρώτα τα δάκρυα μου.
Θυμάμαι πριν κοιμηθώ στην αγκαλιά σου
δε ρώτησα που θα σε βρώ
κι εσύ μου χαμογέλασες.
"Δεύτερο αστέρι δεξιά
και ευθεία μέχρι το πρωί".

Λίγο πριν φύγεις έχει βγεί το ουράνιο τόξο.