Ποιοι είμαστε "εμείς";

Επιτρέψτε μου κι εμένα να πω ότι είναι παντελώς αναξιοπρεπές να γίνονται επιθέσεις σε άτομα που είναι απόντα...επ΄αυτού δεν είδα και καμία σοβαρή τοποθέτηση....
Δεν το διαψεύσατε, κοινώς το ''κάνατε γαργάρα''...ποσώς με ενδιαφέρει βέβαια τι είπατε εσείς ή οποισδήποτε άλλος στην όποια συνάντηση, επιβεβαιώνει απλά την αίσθησή μου περί μεροληψίας λόγω προσωπικής αρέσκειας ή απαρέσκειας που ουδόλως συνάδει με τον ρόλο του moderator....
Και φυσικά αν υπάρχουν προσωπικές μαρτυρίες για την δημόσιά σας τοποθέτηση, δεν έχω λόγο να τις αμφισβητήσω....και δεν απορώ κιόλας, στα πλαίσια της εντροπίας πάντα....
Και να μην απαντήσετε και πάλι θα το καταλάβω...καλή συνέχεια σε όλους....

 

Αν με ρωτάτε, έστω και για το αυτονόητο, μπορώ να απαντήσω. Αν με κατηγορείτε χωρίς να ξέρετε, δεν με νοιάζει.

 

απ οσο θυμαμαι, στη συναντηση που ημουν παρων, η gaby δεν ειχε πει τπτ για κανεναν. εγω ειπα οτι εβαλα στο ignore τους δυο, κι οτι απο τοτε ησυχασε το κεφαλι μου, κατι που ισχυει ακομα. δεν θυμαμαι αν τους στολισα παραπανω η αν ειπα κανα ευχολογιο... αν οχι, μαλλον ηταν επιδη ηταν πρωτη φορα...

οταν με ρωτησαν γιατι ειπα απλα οτι μπαινω εδω για να διαβασω, να πω και μια κουβεντα με κανα φιλο κι οχι για να σπανε τ @@ μου. η gaby ειχε πει οτι δεν εχει φτασει ποτε στο σημειο να βαλει καποιον ignore κι εγω της ειπα μαλλον εχεις πολυ υπομονη.

παει καιρος βεβαια αλλα εγω καπως ετσι τη θυμαμαι την κουβεντα... οποιος θυμαται κατι αλλο ας πει.

 

Τι ωραία που τα λέω ε;

Γράφω για τις φρίκες που τρώω και εσάς σας αρέσει.
«Η δημοσίευση που κάνατε αρέσει στη Βαλέρια και στο Κώστα».
Γαμώτο, τι σας αρέσει;
«Ο Τάσος Κ. σχολίασε τη δημοσίευση σας».
«Τι ωραία που τα λες, μπράβο»,«Σε νιώθω».
Ωραία τα λέω; Με νιώθεις; Αρχίδια! Προβολές επιθυμιών και απωθημένων δικών σου σε λέξεις
που δεν εκφράζουν τίποτα παραπάνω από το νόημα
που φέρουν ήδη, νόημα συμφωνημένο με κοινωνικές συμβάσεις,
για να να'χουμε λογάκια να παίζουμε και να πουλάμε το φτηνό μας «εγώ»
σε συσκευασία πολλαπλής χρήσης για καταναλωτές συναισθηματοφάγους.
Δωσ'τους συναίσθημα, απογοήτευση κυρίως, αδιέξοδα και καύλες
και θα σου φερθούν σαν να ήσουν ξεχωριστός και μοναδικός.
Ξέχασαν οι μαλάκες πως κανείς δεν είναι ξεχωριστός και μοναδικός,
δεν ξεχωρίζω για κάτι, ούτε είμαι μοναδικός, είμαι προϊόν της κοινωνικής βιομηχανίας
παραγωγής ανθρωπολογικών τύπων γεμάτων από εσωτερικευμένες αντιφάσεις
που δημιουργεί ο καπιταλισμός και η αγαμία.
Και εκεί έξω υπάρχουν καλύτερα προιόντα από μένα, καλύτεροι καταναλωτές δεν υπάρχουν,
καταναλώνετε φτηνά, καναλώνεστε φτηνά και δεν παράγετε τίποτα πέρα από αύξηση συμπλεγμάτων, αδράνειας και μικροαστικής κανονικότητας.
Σε αυτό είστε εξαιρετικοί.
Τι ωραία που τα λέω ε;



(http://heteroutopias.blogspot.gr/)

 

παραπονο-ς

να σε κοιτάζει όπως σε κοιτάζω

αν τη φιλήσεις θα σε θέλει για παραπάνω από μια νύχτα

την φιλάς

μα εκείνη δε σε φιλάει

όχι όπως εγώ τουλάχιστον

-

να σε γδύνει

με τα χέρια

δεν ξέρει αυτά που ξέρω

τον τρόπο που σε κάνω να νιώθεις γυμνός δίπλα μου

γυμνός πρωτόπλαστος

κάθε μήλο και μια αμαρτία

περάσαμε και σ’άλλα φρούτα

και τα κόκκινα ζουμιά σωματικά υγρά είναι

κολλήσαμε και τα μπέρδεψα με αίμα

δεν έχυσες παρά μόνο λευκές σταγόνες

άνυδρος και γυμνός από συναισθήματα

πού να βρεθεί κάτι κόκκινο;

-

να σκύβει μπροστά σου

τυφλά πιστή στον έρωτά σου

είσαι θεός και σ’έκανα αίρεση

για να με κάψεις στην πυρά

όμως εσύ με έσβησες

σαν κερί του δεκαλέπτου

τώρα ποια μπορεί να καταλάβει

το πώς ανοίγεις τη θάλασσα στη μέση

μαθαίνουν απ’έξω τις γραφές

για ένα άλφα κι ένα χι δίπλα δίπλα

εγώ τις σκίζω

για να θες όλο και πιο πολύ

να με προσηλυτίσεις

-

να σε χαϊδεύει

να σε πονάει

να σε θέλει

να της δίνεσαι

τώρα να’ναι στο λαιμό σου

κι εγώ πού είμαι;

στα δάχτυλά σου

πουθενά δεν είμαι

δε ζηλεύω

κι ενώ θα’πρεπε να πίνω

με πίνει εκείνο

εκείνο το κορίτσι που ξαπλώνει πάνω σου

και που θα μπορούσα να’μαι εγώ

αν είχες έστω μια φορά

ψάξει να με βρεις

ανθρώπινος

-

νηφάλιος.

(http://trappedself.tumblr.com/)

 

Φάκελος: Loudermilk
Disclaimer: η ιστορία που ακολουθεί είναι σκληρή, περιέχει ενοχλητικές εικόνες και είναι εντελώς πραγματική. Το Pillowfights.gr, η στήλη «Πολίτης Veign» αλλά και η ελληνική νομοθεσία καταδικάζουν στο μέγιστο τις πρακτικές που πρόκειται να διαβάσετε.

Βρισκόμαστε στον αμερικανικό Νότο, στα τέλη των 80s. Ο Bryan Loudermilk είναι ένα αγοράκι σαν όλα τα άλλα. Δεν τα πηγαίνει καλά στο σχολείο, αλλά είναι ένα γλυκό αγόρι. Τα ματάκια του κοιτάνε τον κόσμο γύρω του γεμάτα θαυμασμό, και η αθωότητά τους λάμπει σε κάθε τι που αντικρίζουν. Στα σύννεφα, τον ουρανό, την θάλασσα, τα κορίτσια... ειδικά τα κορίτσια. Του Bryan του αρέσουν τα όμορφα κοριτσάκια. Του αρέσει ιδιαιτέρως όταν φοράνε φορεματάκια και φαίνονται τα πόδια τους. Δεν κάνει κάτι κακό, σωστά; Σε πολλά αγοράκια, μικρά και μεγάλα, αρέσουν τα γυναικεία πόδια.

Έρχεται το γυμνάσιο, η εφηβεία, και μια καθηγήτρια βγαλμένη από τις φαντασιώσεις του. Όμορφη, νέα, ψηλή και με ωραία πόδια. Φοράει πάντα σανδάλια, και τα πόδια της είναι πραγματικά έργα τέχνης. Ο Bryan έχει αμέτρητες ονειρώξεις μαζί τους, τα φαντάζεται να τον κλοτσούν, να τον ποδοπατούν, να ξεκουράζονται πάνω του όταν Εκείνη διδάσκει και να τον λιώνουν μετά με μανία. Νιώθει ανάξιος έστω να λατρέψει τα θεϊκά πόδια της. Το μόνο που μπορεί να κάνει για αυτά είναι να προσφέρει μια θυσία.

Βγαίνει στο προαύλιο για να κυνηγήσει για τη θεά του και το θήραμα του είναι μια μικρή πασχαλίτσα. Την ακινητοποιεί χωρίς να την σκοτώσει, της βάζει κόλλα στιγμής στην κοιλιά και την τοποθετεί στο πάτωμα, στον δρόμο για την έδρα.Όταν χτυπάει το κουδούνι, ο Bryan παρακολουθεί με δέος καθώς η θεά του ανεβαίνει στο βάθρο της εξουσίας της και το πόδι της προσγειώνεται πάνω στην πασχαλίτσα, συνθλίβοντας την. Η καθηγήτρια κοιτάζει ατάραχη την αίθουσα, δεν έχει την παραμικρή ιδέα ότι μόλις πάτησε ένα έντομο, αλλά αυτό το αδιάφορο βλέμμα της κάνει τον Bryan να χάνεται ακόμα πιο πολύ στις φαντασιώσεις του και να πιστεύει ακράδαντα πως η θυσία του έγινε αποδεκτή.

Σε όλη την υπόλοιπη διάρκεια των σχολικών του ετών, θα προσφέρει διάφορες θυσίες ακόμα στην Θεά του: έντομα, ζωύφια, ακόμα και μικρές σαύρες, όλα κολλημένα στο πάτωμα, περιμένοντας καρτερικά το τέλος τους στα πόδια της θεάς του. Κάθε τέτοιος θάνατος είναι ένας πνευματικός οργασμός για αυτόν, μια μακάβρια ονείρωξη και μια αναβίωση της επιθυμίας του να το ζήσει και αυτός.

Στο σχολείο, ο Bryan γνωρίζει τη Stephanie. Ψηλή κοπέλα, Ινδιάνα της φυλής Seminole, πολύ όμορφη. Ερωτεύονται αμέσως. Εγκαταλείπουν το σχολείο και αρχίζουν την δική τους οικογένεια. Ως σύζυγος, ο Bryan δεν είναι ιδιαιτέρως υποδειγματικός, ακριβώς το αντίθετο. Η Stephanie αναγκάζεται να πραγματοποιήσει κάθε φαντασίωση του, συχνά υπό την απειλή βίας. Κάθε μέρα, ο Bryan γίνεται το προσωπικό της χαλάκι για ώρες, όμως αυτό δεν του αρκεί.

Βάζει αγγελίες και προσφέρει τον εαυτό του ως σκλάβο σε όποια κοπέλα το επιθυμεί, πληρώνοντας μάλιστα καλά. Μέσα από αυτές τις αγγελίες ξεκινάει και η γνωριμία του με τον σκηνοθέτη Jeff Vilencia, έναν από τους πιο ακραίους παραγωγούς ταινιών που έζησαν ποτέ. Ειδικεύεται στο να κινηματογραφεί κορίτσια που λιώνουν με τα πόδια τους διάφορα αντικείμενα.

Στο πρόσωπο του, ο Bryan βρήκε έναν άνθρωπο που μπορούσε να τον καταλάβει. Του μίλησε για όλα. Για το ότι εύχεται να μπορούσε να είναι αόρατος για να ξαπλώνει μπροστά από κοπέλες και να τον πατάνε χωρίς να το καταλαβαίνουν, ή το πόσο ωραία θα ήταν να βρισκόταν σε έναν κόσμο που οι γυναίκες είναι γιγαντιαίες, και να είναι σκλάβος τους.Μάλιστα του έστειλε και ένα ιδιόχειρο σκίτσο με τίτλο «Η Οργή της Θεάς», στο οποίο μια τέτοια γυναίκα συνθλίβει με το πόδι της έναν άνδρα. Το είχε υπογράψει ως «ένας μικροσκοπικός ποδοσκλάβος».

Η παρέα με τον Vilencia τον επηρέασε πάρα πολύ, κι έτσι έστησε τη δική του εταιρία παραγωγής. Δημιουργούσε και πωλούσε υλικό στο οποίο κοπέλες επιδείκνυαν τα πόδια τους, και στη συνέχεια τον ποδοπατούσαν. Ακόμα και η ίδια του η ξαδέλφη συμμετείχε σε αυτά τα βίντεο, ποδοπατώντας τον γυμνή μαζί με την γυναίκα του, φορώντας μόνο τις γόβες στιλέτο της. Ο τομέας ειδίκευσης τους όμως ήταν άλλος.

Στην άνεση του σπιτιού τους, οι κοπέλες του Bryan ποδοπατούσαν και σκότωναν κάθε μορφή ζωής που μπορούσε να ακινητοποιηθεί και υποβληθεί σε αυτό το βασανιστήριο. Τα έντομα και οι μικρές σαύρες ήταν μόνο η αρχή, σύντομα οι επιχειρήσεις επεκτάθηκαν σε όλα τα μικρά ζώα, οικόσιτα και κατοικίδια, όπως κουνέλια, κοτόπουλα, παπάκια, και γατιά.Οι συνεργάσιμες κοπέλες έπαιρναν 50 δολάρια την ώρα, όμως όσες προσπαθούσαν να ξεφύγουν γνώριζαν την βίαιη πλευρά του και κατέληγαν στο νοσοκομείο. Ταυτόχρονα, πέραν της ιδιότητας του ως παραγωγός, έκανε και τα πρώτα του βήματα ως προαγωγός, νοικιάζοντας τις θεές του έναντι αδράς αμοιβής σε ενδιαφερόμενους που ήθελαν να γνωρίσουν τη θεϊκή ταπείνωση. Ο μικροσκοπικός ποδοσκλάβος που μπάνιζε την καθηγήτρια του είχε φτιάξει πλέον μια ολόκληρη αυτοκρατορία.

Ένα απόγευμα του ίδιου καλοκαιριού, η αστυνομία βρήκε το πτώμα του Loudermilk κάτω από το αυτοκίνητο του. Σε μια προσπάθεια να ζήσει την απόλυτη φαντασίωση σύνθλιψης, είχε σκάψει ο ίδιος ένα χαντάκι κάτω από τις ρόδες και είχε αφήσει το αμάξι να κυλήσει πάνω του. Μετά από αρκετές βασανιστικές ώρες εσωτερικής αιμορραγίας, ο Bryan άφησε την τελευταία του πνοή. Χωρίς αυτόν, η αυτοκρατορία του κατέρρευσε, οι κοπέλες πήγαν στην αστυνομία, η κοινή γνώμη έμεινε εμβρόντητη και το Κογκρέσο των ΗΠΑ πέρασε ειδική νομοθεσία για την απαγόρευση της δημιουργίας, κατοχής και διακίνησης αυτών των ταινιών.

Όλοι έχουμε μια σκοτεινή πλευρά. Τα φετίχ είναι η επισκεπτήρια κάρτα που μας αφήνει για να την βρούμε και να την γνωρίσουμε. Μερικές φορές όμως, αντί να μας δώσει το χέρι, μας τραβάει στην κόλασή της.

Ακολουθεί απόσπασμα από την ταινία Squish του Vilencia.




(http://pillowfights.gr/citisen_veign/item2806/Φάκελος:_Loudermilk)

 

Eat Me!

It's just before Thanksgiving and instead of roasting turkey with my family I'm in a whitebread suburb of Los Angeles, watching a woman being prepared as the main course of a feast. First, two female chefs strip the woman naked. They pull her arms back tightly and place her face-down on an oversize platter. They spread her legs wide, exposing her bald pussy, and use thick ropes to bind her ankles and wrists together at her thighs. They pour oil and honey over the woman until she glistens. They thrust a corncob into her vagina, shove a red apple into her mouth, and maneuver the platter into a large fake oven. After a while, the chefs remove the roast from the heat and poke a gigantic meat thermometer into her ass. The needle on the dial points to well-done pork. Dinner is served!
Cannibalism has existed around the globe and throughout history, but perhaps only in the 21st century has it become an erotic lifestyle. For tribal peoples, ritual anthropophagy was a way for the living to incorporate the powers of the dead. Christians symbolically consume the flesh and blood of Jesus as a means to experience communion with their God. But in 2001, a German computer programmer named Armin Meiwes killed, butchered, and ate a man he met in an online chat room for cannibal "fetishists." Meiwes's victim gave his videotaped consent to the procedure, even requesting his own penis as a last meal. Since the arrangement was consensual, the German judge sentenced Meiwes to only eight and a half years in prison.

For every Armin Meiwes there are probably thousands of self-described cannibal fetishists who never intend to kill or be killed—they only want to consume erotic stories, photographs, and videos showing humans as meat. Muki's Kitchen (mukiskitchen.com), the commercial porn site where I saw the human suckling pig, claims to sell hundreds of its photo portfolios a month (although thousands of visitors a day download the free previews). Gurgurant, a computer programmer who has been seeking "woman-eaters" like himself since the Internet's beginning, tells me that for every person who actually buys cannibal porn, there are hundreds of others who post on dozens of cannibal chat rooms and message boards. Any estimate of cannibal numbers would have to include "femcans" (men who want to be eaten by women), queers of all colors and tastes, and those who have yet to get online. Judging from my weekend visit, erotic cannibals are ordinary bourgeois kinksters. They might view cannibal porn and have vanilla sex, they might role-play online, or they might even oil up their wives in the privacy of their bedrooms, but they would never consider acting on their fantasies in anything but a safe, sane, and consensual manner.

 

Since opening in 1999, Muki's Kitchen has produced 62 photo portfolios, all serving up the same goofy plotline: A woman is captured, stripped, trussed, stuffed, and "cooked." Mr. Muki, himself a woman-eater, is the Kitchen's sole photographer, set builder, and webmaster. (Mr. Muki is his professional pseudonym: He leads an unassuming life supported partially by the website and partially by his wife, a corporate executive. Anonymity was a condition to the agreement that allowed this reporter access to a misunderstood scene.) "Every cannibal has a favorite recipe," he says. The most popular is the spit roast, a woman skewered through the vagina and out the mouth—a visual effect achieved through the use of cardboard tubes painted to resemble metal. There's also the face-down suckling pig, the parturition-style turkey girl, and finally the old cartoon-gag cliché, the jungle cannibal stew pot. These sometimes dorky pictures are actually more about food preparation than cannibalism: There's never any carving or eating.

"The reality of cannibalism would never live up to the fantasy," says Mr. Muki, smoking a postprandial pipe in the small courtyard outside of the studio. He's 45, with a short beard, nerdy glasses, a gray mullet. "If you really were going to eat somebody you'd have to behead them. You'd have to clean them out," he explains. "You'd have to skin them because humans have sweat glands—they're not like chickens! But sex is all about skin!" He continues, "I think boobies are just great, but there's nothing edible in a boob. It's glands and fat. So that goes! This is getting pretty unattractive." In other words, Mr. Muki likes his meat tasteful. "I want it to be presented beautifully, like a Hollywood picture."

What made the photo shoot I witnessed unusual is that the main course was not simply another porn model from L.A.—she is a bona fide "meatgirl," a woman who wants to be eaten. Meghan Vaughan, a 31-year-old artist living in Cincinnati, flew to L.A. to act out her fantasy of being served on a platter. She's among the half-dozen or so women, by Gurgurant's count, who have come out online as meatgirls, and while Mr. Muki claims that as many as 15 percent of his customers are female, Meghan is the only one to pose for the cannibal public. To Muki's male customers she is a dream come true, that exceedingly rare woman who actually gets off on fulfilling the fantasy they've lived with all their lives.

Meghan enters the courtyard after her shower and lights up a cigarette. She has Bettie Page–style black bangs and pigtails, and she's wearing an all-black art student version of hillbilly chic. "I was chubby in high school and none of the guys wanted to look at me," she says. Neither masturbation nor sex worked for her until her twenties. She explored BDSM, but it wasn't until she saw the Muki's Kitchen website this past January that it all clicked. "Bondage, submission, gagging, humiliation, exhibitionism, objectification—it was all there!" She immediately offered to star in a Muki portfolio based on her hillbilly cannibal comic book, Little Red Roundbottom. Since her first shoot in August, Meghan has become something of a cann-fetish celebrity, and the photo shoots promote sales of her art on the CannToon website. "For me, it's all about being the centerpiece, the center of attention," she says. "It's the same attention you give the turkey on Thanksgiving. Everybody is just obsessed with that turkey. Ooooooh, the turkey the turkey the turkey. When is the turkey going to be done? It's so exciting!"

While Mr. and Mrs. Muki's home sex life involves simple light bondage and lots of oral sex ("Cannibals give good head!" says Mr. Muki), Meghan's meatgirl lifestyle is a more elaborate affair. She tells me that her home dungeon—a small room in her house where she, her partner, and friends play—now has a homemade rotisserie and an electric fireplace that crackles realistically. "When I get home, I'll ask my partner to hog-tie me the same way we did in the shoot, because it will be the hottest position for a while," she says. "When I'm trussed up like that, I like to have a lot of ass play. I even squeal like a pig!" However, Meghan never is really dead in her fantasies. "It's like being drugged yet still aware," she says. "Like when your body is paralyzed but your mind is still awake. I like to think I'm inanimate, without a conscience. There's a feeling of transcendence when I'm being transformed."

Even though individual photos in the Muki's Kitchen portfolios can come across as scary, cruel, or demeaning, the models are obviously alive and even happy. "I want my customers not to feel like freaks to have these fantasies," Mr. Muki says, "and humor is what keeps it feeling fun and sane." Too much humor, though, breaks the tension . . .and arousal is all about keeping up the tension. To help both male and female customers feel comfortable, Mr. Muki also pretends that the Kitchen is a mom-and-pop operation, although Mrs. Muki's only real task is to keep an eye on the tone of the website. Mr. Muki's own fantasies might occasionally involve beheading and dismemberment, but that will never get into the images. Instead, he gets the necessary jolt from props that inspire visceral, vicarious responses. "For me, the money shot is the close-up of the thermometer in the butt with the needle registering on 'pork.' "

That evening the Mukis, Meghan, and I drive to Bahooka, a historic tiki-themed restaurant in Rosemead, a neighborhood in eastern Los Angeles, to meet a few more cannibals: Gurgurant, a collector of jungle cannibal gag cartoons and lifelong fan of the stew-pot girl fantasy; Canntoon, an ambitious twentysomething promoting his own cannibal website; and Andy, a TV producer so terrified of being identified that he avoided me completely. Most of these people have never met each other in person before, and it takes several rounds of Zombies to bring the conversation around to their favorite topic. They laugh about the anti-meat ads produced by PETA—photos of naked female models shrink-wrapped into huge supermarket meat trays. Gurgurant asks, "Do they know how much those turn us on?"

My dining companions—all incredibly ordinary—share a preference for the gentler side of cannibalism. "Some cannibals complain that Muki's is too 'Muki-esque,' " Mr. Muki says. "They mean this fluffy, soft, fantasy cannibalism without any of the messy stuff, the blood and the guts. So be it!" Muki's may be losing business to websites like Necrobabes and Rue Morgue, which emphasize death and torture rather than Muki's sex and aesthetics. (It's a belief in the porn world that the way to avoid prosecution is to choose between sex and violence—Muki's chose sex, the others chose violence.) Unlike Muki's, these sites have no penetration and no "pink," and the cinema vérité style suggests documentary rather than fantasy. The main difference between Necrobabes and a slasher flick is that the movies have better effects. While Mr. Muki makes only what he himself wants to see, Necrobabes does market research and produces what will sell. When I tell Mr. Muki that Peter Cohen, co-owner of necrobabes.com, necrobabes.org, and 10 other fetish sites, claims to have 6,000 members, half of whom return month after month to pay $40, he is dumbfounded. Violence sells better than sex.

Clearly, both Muki's and Necrobabes are trying to present an image they feel will bring the most customers; Muki's wants everything to seem safe, while the others play up the freakish and the extreme. It comes as no surprise then that while other sites tease that "it's more real than you think," the Mukis insist that rumors of genuine cannibalism are invoked to ramp up sexually desirable anxiety. Gurgurant argues that almost every person who claims to want to go through with it is just a poseur. "When you troll these boards there will always be somebody who will say, 'I'm looking to do this for real,' " he says. "Most of the community just ignores them." They're enjoying the pretense, but—like the men Meiwes let go in earlier encounters—they run when the butcher knife comes out.

The Meiwes case forced play canni-bals to reconsider their assumptions. "We all wondered, 'Gee, was he one of the ones we just ignored?' " says Gurgurant. Now, any post on Muki's message boards not clearly using the language of fantasy is deleted. Mr. Muki condemns Meiwes: "I think Meiwes got off too lightly. The very fact that his victim consented to being killed is proof that he was not mentally capable of consenting to anything!" Meghan is more empathetic: "If that's what they want to do with their bodies and with their lives, why shouldn't they?" Nevertheless, she would never think of offering herself up as an actual meal. "Then I wouldn't be able to do it over again, would I?"

Perhaps what is most shocking of all is that my new acquaintances' erotic inspiration does not come from slasher films—as one might expect in a culture where sex is routinely paired with vio-lence—but rather from the consumer trappings of domestic bliss. For Meghan, Williams-Sonoma catalogs can inspire masturbatory fantasies of being skewered on the latest Cuisinart rotisserie. She looks to Bed Bath & Beyond, and Bobby Flay's Boy Meets Grill on the Food Network, for sex play ideas. She says, "Someday I'd like to be photographed for Better Homes and Gardens as this beautiful spread on a festive holiday table."

 

This BDSM community is furious about 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

The Internet has a lot of different opinionsabout Fifty Shades Of Grey, but we can all agree that the movie has had one positive effect: It's made BDSM more acceptable to the mainstream. By taking a niche culture and putting it on display,Fifty Shades has given millions of middle-class Americans a taste for restraints, riding crops, and blindfolds. But experienced members of the BDSM community aren't so happy with its success.

The Guardian reports that while the online BDSM community *** has grown from 1.2 million members in 2012 to 3.6 million today, thanks in large part to the success of Fifty Shades, longer-term members are leaving *** en masse, griping that the BDSM culture now suffers from a lack of cohesion.

Launched in 2008, *** has traditionally been one of the most popular online communities for those interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Yet the Guardian reports that longtime *** members are becoming frustrated by the influx of Fifty Shades fans intrigued by BDSM. So they're migrating to WhatsApp and private Twitter accounts to stay in touch with the people they already know from the community. "We use it to discuss outfits, meeting up, and have discussions which we wouldn’t want to share with hundreds of others," one former *** member explained.

For longtime members of the BDSM community, there's a huge benefit to keeping such groups private. Not only does it make it easier to connect with friends they've made in the community, it also reduces the risk of them accidentally running into someone they know in real life.

As Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals, a sociologist whose work focuses on gender and human sexuality, explained to the Daily Dot: "Isolation doesn’t bode well for people." For those interested in BDSM who have felt anxious or ashamed about exploring their own kinks, communities like ***, which are full of like-minded individuals, are "legitimizing."

For the sake of comparison, consider furries, who derive sexual pleasure from dressing up in furry animal costumes. This kink is hardly considered socially acceptable, but the Internet can help these people feel less alone and less marginalized. Dogpatch Press, for instance, is a popular hub for discussion of furry issues. But unlike ***, Dogpath Press is hardly overrun by neophytes curious about the furry lifestyle, because there's no furry equivalent to Fifty Shades of Grey.

The Internet's various BDSM communities have certainly been changed by the release of Fifty Shades Of Grey. But as those more committed to the lifestyle are pushed to the edges in order to maintain their privacy, it makes it that much more difficult for newbies with genuine interest to find their own truly supportive community.

 

Why I left the BDSM community

This article contains sexually explicit content.

BY AYAKO BLACK



The year I discovered kink, shortly after my 18th birthday, I met a Dom who I desperately wanted to impress, who we’ll call P. P. was more than twenty years older than me. We’d fooled around once at a club and we had a good time, so I wanted more. This was long before the Internet was a reliable source for information about kink safety, and I was dumb, horny, and inexperienced. I was also insecure, and I wanted to be a good submissive for him, whatever that meant.


P. asked what I wanted. I said I wanted to be spanked. Somehow, the negotiated spanking evolved into him “play-raping” me, followed by anal penetration. Afterward, I was bleeding. I still have scar tissue from the encounter.

The encounter with P. made me profoundly uncomfortable, but I refused to admit to myself that anything inappropriate had happened. “I didn’t say no,” I rationalized, “so it was consensual. Hadn’t I fantasized about submitting in that way?”

I called my cool, older friend, who was also a member of the kink scene, and described the experience to her. “It was so hot,” I told her.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “You don’t sound OK.”

“No, it was great, he was so dominant. It was like my fantasies,” I told her in a voice that belied my anxieties, wanting to sound brave and adventurous. I didn’t want to admit that maybe I hadn’t been on board for everything. I was smarter than that, wasn’t I? I must have wanted it.

I fell into a crippling depression for a week after this incident. It took me fifteen years to realize that when P. suggested “play rape” in the middle of the scene, he was actually using kink to justify actually raping me.

I was reminded of this incident recently, when I attended an event hosted by some friends from the kink scene. At one point in the evening, a male attendee cornered me, grabbed my breasts, rubbed his penis on me, and verbally harassed me.

After I told the hosts about this guy’s behavior, I was horrified when they invited him to another event I was attending. When this man showed up, I was informed by the host that he had claimed that he did not know me, the assault had never happened, and that it was a “misunderstanding.” I learned after the fact that this individual has crossed the line with other women as well, and yet he is still invited to events. Incidents like this one are precisely why I no longer interact with theBDSM community in my city.

Though I spent the better part of my adult life shaping my social life around my kinky desires, spending my nights and weekends at kink parties, clubs, and social events, I recently decided to leave the BDSM community, in part because I had witnessed so many consent violations like the one that occurred at my friends’ party.

While members of the BDSM community pay lip service to consent and negotiations, we have a bad habit of ignoring our own consent problems. We often talk about policing our own and punishing those who cross the line. But when push comes to shove, this often doesn’t actually happen, and it’s the victims of such consent violations who pay the price. In spite of our best intention, rape culture is alive and well in the BDSM community.

As a disclaimer, I should say that I am a sex worker and sex educator who is 100 percent pro-sex and pro-kink. I have identified as kinky for 17 years, and I believe that consensual BDSM is a normal and healthy expression of sexuality. I do not believe BDSM is inherently abusive, and I do not think that people seek out BDSM because they are emotionally damaged (well, maybe some people do, but not everyone). I think most people do it simply because it’s fun and exciting. End of story.

Yet consent violations inevitably occur in the kink community—not because kink is an intrinsically non-consensual activity, but because consent violations happen everywhere, including in vanilla life. When these violations take place, the community tends to handle them poorly. We are so desperate to paint ourselves as consent-loving, happy, “normal” people that there are no real safeguards in place to deal with real problems when they arise.

The conversation over kink and consent has surfaced on a larger, more mainstream level with the controversy over Fifty Shades of Grey, which has been intensely criticized by kinksters and their sex-positive advocates for portraying anunhealthy, nonconsensual kinky relationship. (Ana is a virgin when she and Christian meet, and for the majority of the first book she seems horrified by his kinky desires, acquiescing to them only to please her partner.)

In her essay "Consent Isn’t Enough: The Troubling Sex of Fifty Shades" in the Atlantic, Emma Green says:

This is not how experienced members of the kink community have sex. Because BDSM and other kinds of experimentation can be risky, and because it pushes people’s comfort limits, people who are interested in these kinds of activities have established communities that follow strict rules concerning safety and consent.
Kink advocates have argued that Fifty Shades of Grey depicts BDSM in a way that is nonconsensual, nonnegotiated, and abusive. It supports tired, stale, abusive Prince Charming fantasies that enforce heteronormativity and rape culture. It’s not “real BDSM.” All of these arguments are probably true, but I think the “not real BDSM!” critiques underscore the need for the BDSM community to face some of its own consent problems, before we turn accusatory fingers at Fifty Shades.

Out of context, kink can look like abuse or domestic violence to the outsider, which it decidedly is not. But members of the kink community also aren’t very good at policing our own, and what I see happening again and again is victims of predators being swept under the rug, forced to leave communities that have become intolerable while the predators remain to prey upon the next batch of innocent newbies.

For instance, when I told a few confidantes that a certain prominent male dominant had handcuffed me and duck-taped a plastic bag over my face without prior negotiation, then subsequently ignored my safe signal, I was told that he was actually a really great guy, and that it was my fault because I should have “known about his reputation.” I left the scene because I couldn’t pretend that I felt OK about these things, and I did not wish to put myself in emotionally or physically vulnerable situations with these people.

It took me over 15 years to admit to myself that P., the man I referred to at the beginning of this article, had crossed the line and committed a consent violation, or that he took advantage of my youthful inexperience and desire to submit, instead of doing what I had actually asked him to do: Give me a spanking.

In hindsight, this man was not a real dominant. Much like the BDSM community’s critiques of Christian Grey, he was an honest-to-God sadist and abuser who used styled himself dominant as a socially sanctioned way to abuse women.

P. and Christian Grey both fall into the category of what Dan Savage recentlydescribed as someone who uses their kinks to explain away their sexually abusive behavior. After disgraced former CBC host Jian Ghomeshi used his kinks as a justification for the assault allegations levied against him, Savage tweeted: “I oppose the demonization of consensual kinksters. I despise abusers who cover for their crimes by claiming to be consensual kinksters.” Savage hit the nail on the head: The problem is not kink itself—it’s confusing kink with abuse, or pretending abuse is kink when it’s clearly not.

Most people in the kink community are not abusers, and labeling kink as abuse when it is not has the potential to destroy lives. But abusers definitely exist within kink communities, just as they exist in the vanilla world. These people are often very socially influential and powerful. They are often the people who throw the best parties or run the best clubs. They own the nicest toys and have reputations as the “edgiest” players. They are often sexy, charismatic, and manipulative. They are the sociopaths who will look their victims in the eye and gaslight them into believing that a horrifying sexual encounter they didn’t consent to was all a big misunderstanding or that they must have really wanted it all along.

A perfect example of this phenomenon occurred when I attended a play party in the small college town where I was attending grad school. I had been to several of these parties in the past and always had fun, but this night felt distinctly different. There was a guy at the party who had a reputation for having bad boundaries who wouldn’t stop touching me and a lot of other women at the party, even when they made it clear they didn’t want to be touched. I even saw him forcibly bear hugging a girl while she screamed, “No.”

Meanwhile, in the hot tub, an older dude kept touching my friend’s penis, even as my friend repeatedly told him to stop. (When I confronted this guy after the party, he claimed that it was a “game” they were playing and that it was consensual, even after my friend explicitly told me otherwise.) I also watched a blindfolded friend get genitally fingered by the host of the party, despite the fact that she had not consented to playing with him. She appeared to be in distress, but then again so do most submissives in-scene. I had no idea that this wasn’t something she had agreed to in advance, and I didn’t feel like it was my place to step in and stop it.

All of this could’ve been prevented had there been a dungeon monitor (or an informal kink party security person) at this party. I later found out that the host, the same man who had nonconsensually fingered my friend, had made a deliberate decision not to have dungeon monitors at his parties. This man was rich, had a nice house, and was generally considered a “nice” guy by the community. Yet after that evening, reports emerged that he’d been nonconsensually fingering women and violating consent for years. But his victims were afraid of speaking out, because he was well-liked and had a lot of power.

Does this scenario sound familiar at all? It’s really not that different than the recent string of allegations levied against Bill Cosby and the aforementioned Ghomeshi. In Cosby’s case, it’s notable that as in the anecdote above, the violations had been occurring for years, but victims were afraid to speak out against a powerful person. It highlights the fact that the consent violations that occur in the kink scene are not much different than those that happen in the vanilla world, except that those who practice erotic power exchange should be twice as careful about practicing consent because of what is at stake.


Kinksters cannot afford to blindly submit to the same tired-ass tropes of mainstream rape culture if we want to prevent abuse in our communities. BDSM is supposedly a subculture where consent is of paramount importance, where community members actively educate each other about consent, and where partners carefully negotiate scenes ahead of time. “Safe Sane and Consensual” and “Risk Aware Consensual Kink” are the two mottos of the BDSM community. If kinksters want to demonstrate to the vanilla world that we are not engaging in abuse, we need to start walking our talk.

Shortly after these sexual assault allegations came to light in my community, the alleged assailant’s defenders came out on the BDSM social media website *** in droves. "It must have been a misunderstanding. He’s such a nice guy!” people were saying. “He would NEVER do that! And isn’t it just a little suspicious that his accusers choosing to remain anonymous?” (Similar comments were made by those who didn’t believe Cosby and Ghomeshi’s victims.)

I’ve seen such scandals flare up in nearly every BDSM community I’ve been involved in. And I’m not the first one to discuss them publicly. In 2011, activistKitty Stryker wrote about the various consent violations she’d experienced as a submissive in a blog post, where she called out the BDSM community’s unwillingness to address abuse and sexual assault.

“I was told I was doing a disservice to the community by speaking out, that being sexually cajoled must be some sort of fetish for me, that there are precautions I could’ve/should’ve taken to avoid it (thereby suggesting that by not taking enough precautions it was partially my responsibility),” she wrote, adding: “If I had written this when I was 18-22, I would have been violently triggered and probably left the ‘community’ myself.”
In 2013, kink educator Graydancer blogged about his concerns regarding organizers of the popular Shibaricon, “the world's premier international pansexual annual rope bondage educational conference." The conference had just hired an instructor who had been accused of sexual assault multiple times. Unsurprisingly, these attempts to call out abuse were met with a tremendous amount of controversy and pushback from the *** community, in the form of hundreds of comments, journal entries, and blog posts.


It is typical for kink advocates and educators, including myself, to want to paint kink as this happy, wonderful, fun place where consent violations never ever happen because we’re all so emotionally evolved and amazing at communication. We’re so desperate to reverse the stigma and allegations of abuse and mental illness levied at kinksters that when these consent issues pop up, we whitewash—or, at worse, ignore—them to try to gain mainstream acceptance and approval.

It is important to remember that kink doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Kink is still as informed by rape culture as the mainstream, even if we’d like to pretend it isn’t. The popularity of Fifty Shades gives kinksters the opportunity to re-evaluate their attitudes on consent, and how consent is actually playing out in our communities. It is important that we not only talk about what healthy kink means to members of the vanilla world, we need to model healthy kink behaviors and stand up to members of BDSM communities who commit consent violations.

We need to stand up for victims of sexual assault, instead of dismissing their concerns or shunning them. We need to work to ensure that consent violations are handled in a way that is not dismissive or traumatic to victims. We need to hold ourselves to a higher standard than the outside world and be twice as stringent about not letting the abusers and creeps slip through the cracks. We need to work on strategies for making the BDSM scene feel like the safe, wonderful place we tell the outside world it is. If we do the necessary work, I have faith that we can rebuild this community. And if we do, I might even consider coming back.

(http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/kink-bdsm-consent-problem/)

 

BDSM & The Law


In BDSM, you hear a lot about the main components of a genuine BDSM relationship (as opposed to the wannabe relationships or the predatory doms and gullible subs), both SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and the one area that both have in common is Consent. The difference between abuse and BDSM is consent. There is no victim in BDSM, as both parties (Dom & sub) negotiate any activity and both arrive at a consensual agreement. In abuse there is no consent. The abuser acts against his/her victim and harms him/her either physically, emotionally, or psychologically – or any combination thereof. In BDSM, the Dom cares about the well-being of the sub, the abuser does not. Unfortunately, the law makes no such distinction.


Legally, BDSM is seen in terms of black and white. This results in an attitude that defines it in the negative; instead of seeing it as being diametrically opposed to abuse,it is seen AS A FORM OF ABUSE, and thus outside of what is considered acceptable. This has resulted in practitioners being ostracized, vilified, ridiculed….and worse. Regular practices and activities in BDSM have historically been identified in the DSM as aberrant behavior, the stigmatization of paraphilias as illnesses. Masochism, for example, is considered a pathology in the DSM (The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual)


Although most couples practice BDSM privately, there are numerous ways in which the law can become involved. Nobody’s perfect, and things happen. Among these things are:

1) A scene turns more intense than originally intended and the sub is harmed, leading the sub to go to the police.

2) Injury is caused that is serious enough to be brought to the attention of the police, such as by hospital staff or by family or friends of the sub.

3) Police raid a BDSM event and observe conduct that they feel is illegal.

4) A BDSM relationship goes bad, causing bad feelings in the sub and causing him/her to complain to the police about abuse or assault.

5) Someone with a grudge against a participant in a scene makes a complaint to the police.

6)Pictures, emails, videos, films or sound recordings of a scene find their way into police possession.


Since consent is often the core issue in these cases, it is important to know which states have some component of its legal system that permits consent to be used as a defense. The problem lies in the fact that federal courts have made no case law concerning consent, and as of the present the appellate courts have never made any ruling affirming consent as an appropriate defense. BDSM activities are by nature activities in which one person causes harm (in the eyes of the law) to another person. The law SEES this as causing harm, not engaging in conduct that benefits both parties. This results in the law treating BDSM as violence rather than sex. Contrast this with a rape case. In the event of rape, the conduct is not considered criminal unless it can be proved that the act was committed without the victim’s consent. But BDSM conduct is looked at differently because the causing of physical harm is in and of itself considered criminal conduct. The courts are permitted to exercise discretion in these cases; the issue is to what extent will the severity of the injuries play a role in determining how much the courts will allow.


Consent has been brought to the forefront currently because of the release of the film “50 Shades of Grey” which is based on the book. Now, I’m not going to judge the book on it’s merits, because I haven’t read it. It had no interest to me, and I know that it’s fiction….which on its face means it’s not going to be a blueprint for how to live your life in the lifestyle. I’m thankful that it has brought the lifestyle out of the shadows and into the realm of open discussion, where I would hope people begin to discuss it rationally and hopefully without prejudice. That being said, there is a consensus out there that it does NOT represent the lifestyle with any accuracy and might even be dangerous. It is important that people who are starting to explore the lifestyle don’t attempt to do so based solely on one book. It is crucial that we continue to educate these newcomers so they do not wind up being hurt either physically by being pushed beyond their limits, or emotionally by being betrayed by those who we are supposed to be able to trust completely.


Under the Model Penal Code, consent falls under Section 2. There are two subsections: 2.11 Consent, and 2.12 De Minimis Infractions. I will also provide a section for definitions.


Model Penal Code


Section 2.11. Consent. [cf. Restatement Torts 2d § 10A]

(1) In General. The consent of the victim to conduct charged to constitute an offense or to the result thereof is a defense if such consent negatives an element of the offense or precludes the infliction of the harm or evil sought to be prevented by the law defining the offense.

(2) Consent to Bodily Harm. When conduct is charged to constitute an offense because it causes or threatens bodily harm, consent to such conduct or to the infliction of such harm is a defense if:

(a) the bodily harm consented to or threatened by the conduct consented to is not serious; or

(b) the conduct and the harm a rereasonably foreseeable hazards of joint participation in a lawful athletic contest or competitive sport; or

(c) the consent establishes a justification for the conduct under Article 3 of the Code.

(3) Ineffective Consent. Unless otherwise provided by the Code or by the law defining the offense, assent does not constitute consent if:

(a) it is given by a person who is legally incompetent to authorize the conduct charged to constitute the offense; or

(b) it is given by a person who by reason of youth, mental disease or defect or intoxication is manifestly unable or known by the actor to be unable to make a reasonable judgment as to the nature or harmfulness of the conduct charged to constitute the offense; or

(c) it is given by a person whose improvident consent is sought to be prevented by the law defining the offense; or

(d) it is induced by force,duress or deception of a kind sought to be prevented by the law defining the offense.


Section 2.12. De Minimis Infractions.

The Court shall dismiss a prosecution if,having regard to the nature of the conduct charged to constitute an offense and the nature of the attendant circumstances, it finds that the defendant's conduct:

(1) was within a customary license or tolerance,neither expressly negatived by the person whose interest was infringed nor inconsistent with the purpose of the law defining the offense; or

(2) did not actually cause or threaten the harm or evil sought to be prevented by the law defining the offense or did so only to an extent too trivial to warrant the condemnation of conviction; or

(3) presents such other extenuations that it cannot reasonably be regarded as envisaged by the legislature in forbidding the offense.

The Court shall not dismiss a prosecution under Subsection (3) of this Section without filing a written statement of its reasons.


Under Code Section 2.11, the applicable principle is found in Section 2.11.2(a), “the bodily harm consented to or threatened by the conduct consented to is not serious”. In this subsection, the key phrase to be defined is “serious bodily harm.” We need to know what that entails in order to analyze. MPC section 210 is as follows:


OFFENSES INVOLVING DANGER TO THE PERSON
ARTICLE 210. CRIMINAL HOMICIDE

Section 210.0. Definitions.

In Articles 210-213, unless a different meaning plainly is required:

(1) "human being" means a person who has been born and is alive;

(2) "bodily injury" means physical pain, illness or any impairment of physical condition;

(3) "serious bodily injury" means bodily injury which creates a substantial risk of death or which causes serious, permanent disfigurement, or protracted loss or impairment of the function of any bodily member or organ;

(4) "deadly weapon" means any firearm, or other weapon, device, instrument, material or substance, whether animate or inanimate, which in the manner it is used or is intended to be used is known to be capable of producing death or serious bodily injury.

Under code subsection (3), serious bodily injury is defined as any bodily injury that has a high probability of causing death and/or permanent disfigurement, or the long-term loss or decrease in the function of any part of the body.


If we take this literally, then most BDSM activity would be defensible under the auspices of Section 2.11. (It is unclear whether tattooing, branding, etc. might fall under the“permanent disfigurement” argument against consent as a defense.) However, this is, again, highly subjective and the courts in the American justice system consider even the slightest injury as criminal regardless of consent, even in cases where no physical harm has been sustained by the “victim”. There are a plethora of cases out there, some already decided, and some still being heard, to demonstrate the need for a change in this attitude, and perhaps a universal standard, in the interest of justice and the preservation of due process under the law. One such case, being heard in Canada, involves a man named Jian Ghomeshi, former CBC radio star. The lawsuit stems from Mr. Ghomeshi’s termination of employment by CBC. According to his attorneys, Mr. Ghomeshi was fired because of his engaging in “sexual behavior” and writing on social media about his activities, including role play, dominance and submission, and other forms of “rough sex”. His attorneys added that all activities were consensual, and he and his partner used safe words. However, the Toronto Star reported that three women have come forward with allegations that Mr. Ghomeshi had been physically violent with them without their consent, either during or in leading up to sexual encounters with him. The Star stipulated that none of the women filed police complaints.


It is important to note, also, that a great deal of the reluctance of the law to change the way it views BDSM comes from the American Psychiatric Association’s identification of BDSM activities as mental disorders rather than sexual behaviors. However, this is changing now because the newly released DSM-V has depathologized BDSM (as well as fetishism and transvestic fetishism), thanks to efforts by the National Council for Sexual Freedom (NCSF). The earlier, historical classification resulted in the DSM being used as a weapon, to harass and/or discriminate in some form or another against those who took part in some aspect. This led to legal issues that were not criminal in nature, but still posed problems for those who suffered said harassment or discrimination. They had no legal recourse and nowhere to turn for legal remedies. That, fortunately is changing, as evidenced by a sharp drop in the number of children being removed from the custody of parents involved in the BDSM lifestyle in one way or another.

 

Thoughts on Abuse

Abuse is More than Hitting.

Other abusive behaviors include :

Controlling or isolating you

Exhibiting constant jealousy

Abusing alcohol or other drugs

Refusing to let you have money

Restricting or controlling your activities

Coercing or forcing sexual activity

Embarrassing you in front of others

Calling you names

Threatening you or the children physically or financially

Telling you that you are stupid or worthless

Constantly demanding his way

Ignoring your opinions or wishes

Destroying your possessions

Intimidating you by shouting, hostile looks, or hostile gestures

Abuse Typically Follows a Repeating Pattern or Cycle:

Stage 1: Tension builds

Stage 2: Explosion of physical, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse

Stage 3: Calm; the "honeymoon" phase ; the abuser may show sincere remorse and . . promise sincerely to never do it again


( http://conservativekink.blogspot.gr/2015/04/thoughts-on-abuse.html )