On Complexity Theory

 

Contents

1. A Gal Extraordinaire
2. Gimme a Ticket for an Aeroplane
3. Until I See a Cretan Peak
4. Power Dynamics 101
5. Debugging Feelings: A Programmer's Guide to Oneself
6. Love, Loss, and Hot Chocolate
7. Experimental Dynamic Systems Theory
8. A Possible Kill Screen
9. Python Lessons
10. The Chessboard of Life, or “What Trust Is”
11. Still a Better Romance Than Twilight
12. The Honey Badger
13. The Temple and the King
14. Moonlight Sonata
15. On the Beach
16. So, This Is Paradise
17. And Nothing Else Matters
18. On Differential Manifolds
19. The Shape of Things to Cum
20. Сыграем
21. Que sera, sera

 

1. A Gal Extraordinaire

Since the late ‘70s, I have had five female cousins: three from my mom’s side and two from my dad’s. In the mid-’80s, my mother’s youngest brother—or rather stepbrother, since my grandfather remarried after my grandmother died—left his family to start a new one with his mistress, something my mom and her other brother couldn’t accept, and we cut all ties with him. In the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, he had two more children: first a boy named Manolis in 1989, and two years later a girl named Andrianne, or Andie, as she preferred to be called.

In 2007, my uncle sought reconciliation, and we finally met our two cousins for the first time. Manolis was eighteen at the time, and Andie was sixteen. She was strikingly beautiful, unlike my other cousins who had a more girl-next-door appeal, such as my cousin Liz, whom I mentioned in another story. Andie developed a fierce crush on me that she couldn’t hide. Though I found it amusing, I was careful to keep her at a distance; not only was she my first cousin, but she was also underage. It wasn’t easy, she was—and still is—a gal extraordinaire; it’s like God had ten gifts to give out, and being a busy day in heaven, He said, “Screw it” and gave them all to Andie!

As I mentioned in my other story, I passed my university entrance exams on my third attempt due to struggles with physics and chemistry. I was very-very strong in mathematics; in fact, on my first attempt I was one of only three in the country to score a perfect 160 though this wasn’t enough, as the University of Crete’s School of Computer Science is highly sought and requires top marks for admission.

Andie, despite being extremely bright, struggled with Euclidean Geometry. My uncle asked if I could help her and so for the next two years I became her tutor. Her crush on me grew even stronger, but I managed to keep her at a distance while ensuring I didn’t hurt her feelings. I started genuinely liking her and her deadpan humor very quickly. I became enamored with her mind; she is easily the brightest person I’ve ever met—and I’ve been privileged to meet many extremely bright people in my life. Last but not least, I won’t lie, cousin or not, she is drop dead gorgeous.

Anyway, as happened—and to my disappointment, because I truly believe she could excel as a mathematician—she chose to study computer science. The best school in Greece for this subject is the University of Crete’s School of Computer Science, so she decided to follow in my footsteps. Although I don’t consider myself a great teacher, my tutoring was effective. Her issue wasn’t a lack of understanding of Euclidean Geometry, but rather a lack of interest in how it was taught in Greek schools. The truth is, Euclidean Geometry requires a level of abstraction and mathematical maturity beyond that of an average sixteen-year-old. Consequently, the material taught is very simplified, which is where she lost interest.

You see, having an IQ off the charts, Andie was anything but average. The problem wasn’t her; it was her teachers, who simply couldn’t keep her mind engaged. Although I studied computer science, my true love has always been mathematics; in fact, my doctorate is in complexity theory. What I managed to do with Andie was share my passion and love for mathematics, and the rest followed naturally, like water flowing in a riverbed.

What I did was very simple: she loved puzzles and mind games—if you haven’t played chess with her, you have no idea what humiliation means—and I showed her that Euclidean geometry is just a mind game with specific rules. Definitions and axioms, based strictly on formal logic, lead to theorems. We didn’t stop at Euclidean geometry; I also explained the basic principles of hyperbolic and elliptic geometry. I told her that mathematics doesn’t hide any intrinsic truth; with different rules, you can create different games, each absolutely true within its own context, just like Euclidean and non-Euclidean geometries.

Well, two months after her eighteenth birthday, she was born in late March, she succeeded, and spectacularly so—she aced the exams and, as we found out in late August, she passed with the highest marks, ranking first in her school and earning a scholarship. Our uncle took us out for a family celebration and two days later, Andie asked to take me out for some drinks. I didn’t think much of it; after all, I had taken both of my cousins out for coffee on multiple occasions, and Manolis for drinks as well.

When I went by her home to pick her up and saw her, I gasped. By the gods, she looked like she had stepped out of a magazine; she was stunning, and though the dress was quite modest, it subtly accentuated her figure. While she wasn’t built like Lizzy, Andie was a track athlete—400m hurdles—and her body was also quite beautiful, with lovely proportions. Whereas Lizzy was blonde and statuesque, Andie, in comparison, was just 1.67 meters tall, with jet black hair reaching down to the middle of her back and wisps framing her eyebrows. Her eyes were dark brown, and she also had a girlish charm, but not in a girl-next-door way; she had the kind of beauty you’d see in supermodels.

- “Sorry I kept you waiting!” she said after entering my car filling the air with the intoxicating scent of her perfume.
- “No worries, Andie,” I replied. “You’re not the first girl that had me waiting, though you being my cousin makes it easier to forgive!” I teased her, and she playfully stuck out her tongue and made a “brrrrrrrr” noise, making me chuckle.
- “Now that we are on the same page, where to go?”
- “You asked to take me out, so I’m all ears!”
- “I don’t know any good place for drinks,” she admitted. “Not too long ago, I was underage, did you forget?”
- “And the sun rises from the west,” I joked. “How dumb do I look to you, miss?”
- “‘I’m pleading the fifth!”
- “Well, while you do have the right to remain silent, if you don’t speak, this would most certainly be very boring, because you are supposed to take me out!”
- “Okay… let’s go to the ‘Crypt’!”
- “It’s kinda early for this. At what time are you supposed to return home?”
- “Anytime I feel like, what kind of question is this? I’m not a kid anymore!”
- “Well, I’m your cousin, Andie. It would be rather awkward if I were to return you home very late!”
- “Nonsense, mom and dad know that I want to celebrate with you, and frankly, they feel safer with you taking me out and returning whenever we feel like it than with John.”
- “Your ex-boyfriend?”
- “Yup!”
- “It’s a pity that you broke up with him; he’s a very good boy!”
- “He is, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and John wasn’t included.”
- “Then why…” I tried to ask, but she interrupted me.
- “As my favorite cousin says, ‘fake it until you make it.’ Well, I tried, and it didn’t work. Shit happens, yada-yada-yada.”
- “Well, you made John wiser!”
- “What do you mean?”
- “I mean love is great and all, but without a healthy dose of cynicism, it’s a recipe for disaster.”
- “And was there someone that made you wise?”
- “Yup, that would be Rita, my first girlfriend. Anyway, let’s get going because they’ll start wondering why the hell we are still here. It’s very early to go to Crypt, so I’m taking you for a coffee.”
- “I asked you out!”
- “Be that as it may, I’m the one driving!”
- “Sir, yes, Sir!” she mocked.
- “Attagirl. So… do you fancy coffee by the seashore?”
- “You da best! So, what happened with Rita?”
- “She was unable to bear the strain of long-distance and we broke-up when I went to Crete. Anyway, when are you going to Heraklion?”
- “Classes start on the 24th of September, so we are going to Crete in early September. I need to find a place to stay!’”
- “I’ll give you the phone numbers of my former landlord in Crete. Who knows, you might be extremely lucky and find the place I lived available.”
- “Well, a friend of Manolis is also a student at the University of Crete, and he says that in two to three years, the campus in Knossos will be closed permanently. Only mathematics and computer science are still in Knossos; all the others are in Voutes.”
- “Yeah, you’re right and they are late, it is 2009 already and physics and biology are located in Voutes since 1994.”
- “I don’t care, I’ll have my V-Max, so I won’t need to use public transportation to get around.”

Well, actually, it was my uncle’s V-Max, but he had promised to give it to her if she managed to pass the exams, and she didn’t just pass—that year, she passed first, having the highest marks. My uncle loved motorcycles, and Andie learned to ride since she was twelve, so yes, on her 18th birthday, she was quite experienced to handle such a 1700cc, 197-horsepower beast.

- “Andie, you need to be very careful driving that beast, Cretans are by far the worst drivers I’ve ever met; they are maniacs!”
- “I will, Kostas!”

We bantered until we arrived at the place I had in mind, a very cozy café at Vari, with a spectacular view. It was early so we managed to find the best seats, and though the coffee could be better, if just for the view, it was worth it. Trying to keep her at a distance, initially I intended to let her sit first and then sit at the opposite side of the table, but I would lose the view, so I finally sat beside her. We ordered our coffees and while she leaned to me, and generally gave all the signs a girl shows when she is interested in you, she behaved herself.

- “So… how do you feel that you’ll be away from home?”
- “Excited and frightened, to tell you the truth, bust mostly excited. It’s the first time I’ll be completely alone for more than a weekend.”
- “Well, I promise you that these will be the best years of your life!”
- “You know, Manolis says exactly the same thing!”
- “Hahaha, I bet he loves his student life in Salonica!”
- “Oh, yes!”
- “Well, he got your dad’s car, and you got your dad’s motorbike. What’s left for my uncle?”
- “His fondest memories and his pride for his children,” she replied casually, almost making me choke.
- “Do you want to kill me, or something?” I asked her, wiping my tears after I finally managed to find my breath.
- “If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already!”
- “How so?”
- “I would have worn a different dress! Trust me, I have some much more revealing!” she said, and I froze.
- “Andie…” I tried to say and then she burst out laughing!
- “Got you!”
- “I WILL STRING YOU!”
- “It’s your lucky day, I’m wearing a string!” she replied with a straight face, though her eyes glimmered teasingly.

Well, I managed not to have a heart attack, I suppose that this counts as a win.

- “You’ll be the death of me!”
- “Well, I can’t help myself, you paint a target… I just can’t help it!”

Thankfully, she stopped making these not-quite-innocent innuendos, and the time flew by. Around 11 pm, we left to have our drink. The Crypt was an incredibly atmospheric bar at Vrilissia that played only hard rock and metal. Its decor was gothic, featuring even the figure of Flamefang, Elric’s dragon from Elric of Melniboné, hanging from the ceiling. Built with stone and wood and playing amazing music, it’s no wonder it was usually packed with people. When we arrived, we found only one barstool available. I let her sit at the barstool, and I stood next to her.

Sometime later, we managed to find a table to sit at, and we had a splendid time. In fact, we were the last patrons to leave, after getting some quite angry looks from the DJ, who also happened to be the owner of the bar and one of my friends. I suppose that night sucked to be him. In any case, we went to Mavili Square to eat at one of the best cantinas in Athens, and when I finally returned Andie to her home, it was well past 5 am. When we arrived, I got out of the car and walked her to the entrance of her house.

- “Thank you for taking me out tonight!” I told her, making her chuckle. After all, I was the one who drove her all over Athens. “Please, next time try to find less subtle ways to kill me. I’m not against more direct approaches,” I continued, turning her chuckle into laughter.
- “Your funeral!” she said, and taking me into a hug, kissed me passionately in the mouth, making me freeze. She chuckled again. “You asked for it!”

Well, she was right… I did.

 

2. Gimme a Ticket for an Aeroplane

Unfortunately, the place I lived in when I was a student was not available, but Andie managed to find a great modern apartment downtown, very near to Lions Square. Not only that, but the apartment building had a closed parking space for her motorbike. I have seen photos and videos of her place; we communicated through MSN Messenger and Skype. The night we went out, she had asked for my advice on taking classes, and she followed it to the letter. By the end of her fourth semester, she had passed all her classes in mathematics and physics, allowing her to devote herself full time to purely computer science courses.

In July 2012, I was scheduled to present a paper at a conference organized by the Institute of Computer Science (ICS) in Heraklion. Since I was going to be in Crete anyway, I called Andie to let her know and to ask if she would be there or if she had plans to return to Athens for the summer; after all, my visit would be after she finished her sixth semester exams.

- “Hey!” she replied smiling my skype call.
- “Hello Andie, how are you?”
- “Buried in a monitor, trying to debug my compiler!”
- “Ouch, languages and compilers, I feel your pain!”
- “To shift or to reduce, that is the question!” said, making me chuckle.
- “I share your pain; operating systems and languages and compilers made me hate programming! At least I had to write a C compiler, what’s this year?”
- “Fucking Java, can you believe this? Not only we have to write a compiler for a freaking virtual machine, but it must also be just-in-time! I hate my life!”
- “I hate Java!”
- “Did you catch the Java era?”
- “What do you think, Andie? Sure, I’m older than you, but I didn’t catch the punch cards era, come on!” I replied, making her chuckle.
- “And why do you hate Java?”
- “Oh, my hatred is not limited to Java, I hate every object-oriented language! Back in my day, we had a stack, a register file, and memory measured in KB. Real programmers write assembly! Then we learned about C and pointers, and all hell broke loose!”
- “I’d like to see writing a compiler in assembly!”
- “Well, for your info young lady, I actually have done that, in z80 assembly nonetheless.”
- “What?”
- “Yes, on my CPC-6128!”
- “Why the hell did you wrote a compiler?”
- “Well, it’s a long story. First, I tried to write a monitor in pure BASIC, just to demonstrate Locomotive’s BASIC power, but disassembling even a small part of the memory window was abysmal. So, I wrote a small disassembler in assembly. I was fascinated watching in real-time how the machine worked, how the registers changed values, how the entries on the stack pushed and popped, how the program counter changed, how the instructions were executed one after another. That’s what made me want to study computer science.”
- “Why didn’t you tell me that when you tutored me?”
- “Because I wanted you to focus on mathematics. Anyway, then I decided to build my own language, simpler than BASIC but faster and easier to compile into machine code. I didn’t get very far, after all, I was just a fifteen-year-old boy, but the simplistic language, though not mature enough to write complex programs, was quite fast for simpler tasks.”
- “Ugh-uh.”
- “Anyway, at university, I learned Pascal and C, and I really love C. But for some reason, my mind appears to be incompatible with object-oriented programming. Though it enhances abstraction in theory, I don’t know… I prefer the abstraction of mathematics!”
- “Well, debugging the freaking compiler makes me wish I’d followed a different path!”
- “I share your pain, kiddo. Anyway, I called you because I’ll visit Crete in early July, I’ll present a paper at a conference by ICS.”
- “Wow! That’s great!”
- “Well, if you like complexity theory you’re gonna love it!”
- “Um… I hate complexity theory with the same fervor I hate compilers, my excitement was about seeing you!”
- “Ouch, that hurt… scientifically!”
- “Well, you survived our goodnight kiss, you’ll survive this!”
- “You’re never going to let this go, are you?”
- “Not in a million years! You probably changed all the colors in the visible spectrum, and maybe even some in the invisible one!”
- “Anyway, will you be there in early July, or do you plan to return to Athens?’
- “Are you crazy? Who in their right mind would leave a beautiful island in the summer to return to Athens? Did you when you were a student?”
- “Well, you got a point, though every summer I returned for one or two weeks!”
- “So do I, but I’ll be here till the end of August, I have my part time job at ICS after all!”
- “That would be great. Oof, I missed Crete. I missed the souvlakis, I missed the chocolate at Utopia, I missed Hijaz, I missed Azteca’s…”
- “Well, if you can manage, take your leave of absence after the convention, and let’s tour Crete with my bike. After all, what’s the point of having a touring bike if you don’t tour?”
- “What? Haven’t you already?”
- “Of course I have, I try to tempt you!” she replied chuckling.
- “Well… Your cousin is a bit of a wimp, he’s afraid of motorcycles!”
- “Come on you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?”

Unknowingly, she struck a chord. That’s exactly what Lizzy had told me. My head filled with memories of that beautiful summer of 1996, the best summer of my life. I sighed, as I never stopped longing for Lizzy and the magical month we spent together—a doomed relationship from the very beginning that we lived to the fullest and made her the absolute benchmark against which I measured all other women ever since.

- “Kostas?” she asked nervously.
- “Sorry…” and I bit my tongue, managing not to call her ‘Lizzy’. “It’s very tempting, very tempting indeed!”

…as Lizzy had replied when I suggested to come and visit me at Crete, after her breakup.

- “Ooh… please, please, please try to make it happen! I would love to spend time together, last year with Manolis was a blast, we toured the whole freaking island.”
- “Well, it’s very tempting… but wouldn’t be better having a vacation with your boyfriend?”
- “My ex-boyfriend is mourning his monumental stupidity; I hate the jealous, insecure guys.”
- “Okay… Well, why the hell not… I mean, it’s been two years since the divorce”.
- “Screw her, her freaking loss!”
- “Anyway,” I said sighing. “I’ll try, but except the week of the convention I can’t give any promises.”
- “That’s okay, Kostas… It… it was just a suggestion.”
- “No, it’s not just a suggestion, it’s one of the nicest gestures I’ve ever had. Hey, it will be your birthday next week!” I said changing the subject.
- “Well, I preferred March 27 to be on Wednesday.”
- “Oh shit, March 25 this year is on Sunday… Fuck, that sucks big time!”
- “And the worst thing is that March 25 and October 28 are always the same day. This year’s holidays suck big time!”
- “Well, at least Christmas is also on Tuesday, so there’s that!” I said, trying to comfort her. “Anyway, you’ll turn twenty-one. How do you feel?”
- “Exactly the same when I turned twenty… and nineteen… ok, for eighteen it felt great, since finally I was able to buy alcoholic beverages.”
- “Yes, because before turning eighteen this stopped you!” I mocked her.
- “I’m still pleading the fifth!” she replied chuckling.
- “Ok sweety, it was good talking to you, but for now you have to return to your debugging, and I have to take my dog for a walk!”
- “I hate my life!” she whimpered.
- “Look at the bright side!”
- “And what this might be?”
- “I’ve left all that shit behind!”
- “And pray tell, how this is going to make me feel better?”
- “It won’t; it makes me feel better. What can I say, sucks to be you!”
- “Well, fuck you too!” she replied laughing.
- “As my little cousin told me once, if you paint a target, expect to be shot!”
- “Nymph in the orisons, be all my sins remember’d.”
- “Oh, a Shakesperean touch!”
- “Anything to forget my fucking non-working compiler!”
- “Stop goofing off and get back to debugging!”
- “I hate you!”
- “No, you don’t!”
- “No, I don’t,” she replied sighing. “Well, wish me luck! Kisses!”
- “Break a leg! Goodbye kiddo, nice talking to you!”

We hung up, and I took my Caucasian shepherd, Randy, for a walk. He’s a massive dog; my vet said that at 117 kg, he is the biggest Caucasian shepherd he had ever seen. Despite his size, Randy is very gentle and easy-going. He was the one who found four abandoned kittens, then just about 30 days old, in a ditch, and that’s how I ended up having four cats as well. They are inseparable, and my house turned into a menagerie. Well, I couldn’t take them with me to Crete, so I would have to ask my sister Rea to take care of them for the period I would be there.

While I could take two or even three weeks off after the convention, the truth is I couldn’t stand being separated from my five hairy companions for more than two weeks, so I decided to stay just for another week after. The convention was a five-day event, from July 2 to July 6, so I would go to Crete on June 30 and return to Athens on Sunday, July 15. While my expenses were paid and I could stay in a hotel, at least during the convention, Andie had none of this. She insisted on accommodating me at her apartment during my whole stay.

- “I will pick you at the airport!”
- “Well, this would be a problem, I mean I’m coming for two weeks, I have plenty of baggage.”
- “I have a beast of a touring bike with a customized passenger package, so unless you plan on bringing a piano with you, it can easily fit two medium-sized suitcases. I even have a tall backrest with a cushion for your back, thank you very much!” she said teasingly.
- “Okay, okay, don’t shoot!”
- “Well, too late, I’m a full Cretan now, I’ll shoot you on general principle!” she said, making me burst into laughing. “Anyway, what time is your arrival?”
- “If there won’t be any delays, we will arrive at 8 am.”
- “What???”
- “Well, early flights are cheaper!”
- “Well, I changed my mind!”
- “You won’t come to pick me?”
- “Oh, I will, but instead of shooting you on general principle, I’ll shoot you out of pure spite!” she replied, making me laugh even harder. I always loved her humor, and she didn’t disappoint.
- “I’m not afraid, missy, I’m Hulk!”
- “Digestive problems?”
- “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
- “Afraid not, my good Sire, my cooking will help you keep your unhealthy green color!”
- “Well, my color remains unchanged since 1993, and the first time I ate two-f at Azteca’s.”
- “Wait, what do you mean by ‘first time’? Did you have a second?”
- “Well… yes, when Lizzy came to visit, I made her have the rite of passage we all share and didn’t want her to suffer alone.”
- “Please don’t remind me of this, I’m trying hard to forget mine…”
- “And you thought languages and compilers were hard!”
- “Fire, I’ll take you to burn! Fire, I’ll take you to learn!” she started singing, and once again I nearly chocked myself. 

 

3. Until I See a Cretan Peak

I shit you not, when I saw Crete from the airplane’s window, I teared up for good. Without realizing it, I started singing:

Φύσα αεράκι, φύσα με
Μη χαμηλώνεις, ίσαμε
Να δω στην Κρήτη μια κορφή
Πού ‘χω μανούλα κι αδερφή.

There were no delays at all, so at 8 am, we arrived at Nikos Kazantzakis airport. As promised, Andie was there waiting for me. She came running at me, so I dropped my bags and opened my arms to hug her.

- “Kostaaaaaaaaaaas!” she nearly screamed with excitement, jumping into my embrace.

Grinning like an idiot and towering over Andie by almost 25 centimeters, I scooped her up in my arms and twirled her around a few times like she was a little girl, eliciting another round of delighted squeals. When I finally put her down, she rose onto her tiptoes, crossed her arms behind my neck, pulled me towards her, and gave me a quick peck on the lips. Still smiling, and without making a move to leave her embrace, I gently caressed her face and hair, making her smile brighten even more.

- “Girl, you’re a sight for sore eyes!”
- “Why the shore eyes, mister? Did you do any debugging last night?”
- “Brrrrrrrrrr,” I made the noise with my tongue, mimicking her antics and making her laugh loudly. “Well, where is your gun? Weren’t you supposed to shoot me on general principle, or at least out of pure spite?”
- “I’m not in a hurry; we have two weeks ahead of us! So, what do you want to do?”
- “If you don’t mind, I’d really like to have a quick shower. After that, whatever you like, though I’d kill for a chocolate at ‘Utopia.’”
- “Say no more!” she said, and we headed to her bike.
- “Please, don’t take the national road. I don’t want us to go from the Knossos interchange. Could we go via Ikarou? I want us to pass by the port; I want to see Koules again.”
- “No problem, but keep in mind that 25th August Street has been pedestrianized since 2004.”
- “Yes, I knew that.”
- “However, I strongly suggest we take the National Road. There’s always time to take you to the old harbor. I want you to really enjoy your first ride on my bike, and going via Ikarou won’t help you appreciate the feeling!”

I gave in to her passionate plea, and though I’ve always harbored a fear of bikes, riding Andie’s VMAX was nothing short of exhilarating. It felt more secure and steadier than smaller bikes, but what truly captivated me was the sensation of the wind rushing against my body—something no car, not even a convertible, could ever hope to replicate. Riding a bike is like tasting freedom itself, akin to galloping on a wild horse. It’s a primal connection to the wind and the open road, a feeling of pure liberation that no other form of transportation can match.

It took us about twenty minutes to get downtown, and it was the first time I saw the new Knossos interchange. Boy, Heraklion started looking differently than I remembered when I first came here, twenty years ago. Andie parked her bike in the basement, and we took the lift. Her apartment was on the third floor of a modern apartment building. Her studio apartment, though compact, was cleverly designed. It boasted a generously sized bedroom with a private balcony, a bathroom of moderate proportions, a well-equipped kitchen of similar size, and a surprisingly spacious living area with a moderate study space, complete with its own balcony and view of Theotokopoulos Park.

- “Welcome to my private kingdom!”
- “Wow! Your studio is great!”
- “Yeah, I was lucky to find it. It’s not exactly cheap to rent, however we can’t have everything. It’s modern, spacious, cleverly designed, it came with its own parking space, has a great view of the park and is a one-minute walk from Lions Square. Anyway, you can unpack your things, I’ll make space in my wardrobe, it’s quite large.”
- “Thanks. Where will I be sleeping?”
- “The sofa in the living room converts into a remarkably comfy bed. Anyway, let’s go unpack!”

Andie was a gracious host, helping me unpack my bags. After she left to grab coffee for both of us, I treated myself to a long, hot bath. The apartment had a solar water heater, so I enjoyed a steaming bath to soothe my weary muscles after the cramped airplane ride. The bathroom, though smaller than my old place, was surprisingly spacious, with a deep bathtub that I could really stretch out in. As a tall guy, I’d been cramped into the airplane seat, so the bathtub was a welcome oasis where I could relax and recharge. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation, and without realizing it, I drifted off to sleep. It was a miracle that I managed not to drown.

- “Kostas?” she said knocking the door and I woke up realizing that I’ve fallen to sleep.
- “I’m alive, no worries! Just try to soothe my crumped muscles, airplane seats are not my favorites!” I said, and then I realized that I forgot to get my towel! Shit! “Ehm, Andie? I… I forgot to get my towel…”
- “No worries, I’ll get it for you,” she said and some moments later she returned to the bathroom. The bathtub was enclosed in an opaque glass cubicle. I opened the door slightly, reached out, and Andie handed me the towel.

I stepped out of the bathroom, dried off carefully, and put on the boxers, the shorts and the t-shirt I brought. After hanging up the towel, I returned to the living room where Andie was waiting with our coffees. I don’t mean to brag, but women have often told me I’m very attractive, so I was used to admiring glances, especially from Andie, who’d had a crush on me since the first day we met. She was wearing shorts and a thin tank top, and even though she was my cousin, I couldn’t help but notice her beautiful curves as they were clearly outlined by the thin fabric. I tried to act casual, but it was hard to ignore the way she was looking at me.

- “So,” I said, sitting down on the couch, “how did your exams go? Do you have any resits in September, or are you all done?”
- “I’m waiting for the results of Digital Signal Processing, though I don’t expect anything less than a nine. Actually, I’m pretty sure that I’ll get a perfect ten. I got a 9.5 on ‘Languages & Compilers,’ a perfect ten on ‘Introduction to Telecommunications Theory,’ and…”
- “And…?”
- “Well… though I passed the class, I got a 6.5 on Complexity Theory,” she said, lowering her eyes, not daring to look me in the eyes. She knew that this would strike a chord since Complexity Theory was my area of expertise. “Sorry, Kostas…”
- “Why didn’t you ask for my help, dumdum?”
- “I… I didn’t want to bother you.”
- “Are you for real? By the gods, I want to spank you until you turn purple.” I said without even thinking.

To give you some context, I’m what is called a ‘Dominant’ with a liking for S/M, and spanking your sub, not only for play but as a form of punishment, was something I got used to after discovering the world of BDSM a few years after Lizzy. Of course, Andie was not my sub, and mentioning spanking was totally inappropriate, but I didn’t even think about it; I just got angry that she didn’t ask for my help, even though she clearly needed it.

- “One Mississippi… Two Mississippi… Three Mississippi…” Andie said teasingly, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

She leaned slightly forward, her lips curling into a playful smirk. Her eyebrows arched in a teasing manner, clearly enjoying the moment. She tilted her head slightly to the side, a common gesture she used when she was cheeky. Her hands were casually resting on her hips, adding to her confident and playful demeanor. As she counted, she tapped her fingers lightly against her thigh, emphasizing each “Mississippi” with a gentle rhythm. For some moments, I stared at her puzzled—or to be more exact, like a raging idiot—and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

OH MY GOD!!! DID I THREATEN MY FIRST COUSIN WITH SPANKING UNTIL SHE GOT PURPLE? OH MY GOD!!!

Andie was cracking up, her laughter ringing through the room, while I was turning a shade of red that would make a tomato blush. My eyes widened in shock, and I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, and I was practically begging the Earth to swallow me whole!

- “Well, if you think that spanking me will help my grades, by all means!” she continued, trolling me. “At this point, I’d try anything!”
I blinked a few times, trying to process her words. My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water as I struggled to find a response. Finally, I managed to stammer, “How about studying harder?”
- “What would be the fun in that?” she retorted, making me finally burst out laughing loudly. The tension in my shoulders eased, and I shook my head, still feeling a bit flustered but relieved that she was taking it in stride.
- “Well, in that case, no spanking unless you increase your marks!” I said, trying to regain some composure.
- “But I was a bad, bad girl!” she continued teasing me. “What’s the point of being bad if you don’t get disciplined?”
I rolled my eyes, a grin spreading across my face. “Well, the point is not being bad, making discipline unnecessary.”
- “Meh, whatever counts in this life is either immoral, illegal, or gets you fat!” she continued, making me chuckle.
- “Well, you can live without them and while your life won’t be any longer, it will surely look longer!” I tried to joke.
- “Kostas are you into BDSM?” she asked, completely catching me off guard, and it took considerable effort to compose myself. Andie, on the other hand, judging by her smirk, seemed to be quite amused by my reaction.
- “You know about BDSM?” I asked, finally finding my voice.
- “Well, I wasn’t born yesterday, mister!”
- “You’re just twenty-one years old. I learned about BDSM well after my twenty-fifth!”
- “True, but you are also eighteen years older. You grew up in the eighties and nineties; I grew up in the twenty-first century. Anyway, you didn’t reply.”
- “Hold on, why do you ask? Are you into BDSM?”
- “Please stop deflecting, I asked first!”
- “Okay, um… yes.”
- “Well, if I were to take a bet, I would wager everything I have in my pockets against everything you have in your pockets that you are a Dom.”
- “You know what a Dom is?”
- “I do.”
- “Okay…” I said, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

As the silence stretched on, Andie shifted in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs. She ran a hand through her hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear, and then let her hand fall back to her lap, where it resumed its nervous fidgeting. Despite her outward composure, the subtle movements of her body spoke volumes about the emotions swirling within her. She was the first to break the silence.

- “I’m a switch,” she offered. “I mean it depends on whom I have across me.” While I knew very well what a switch is, I didn’t interrupt her, I let her continue. “Joking aside, I didn’t know of these things until a friend of mine mentioned the word BDSM. I googled it and the rest is history,” she said nervously, glancing at the floor, then at the walls, and finally settled on a spot just over my shoulder.
- “Okay… Did you have relations of this type?”
- “Um, no, I know the term only in theory.”
- “So, how do you know that you’re a switch?”
- “Please promise me not to have a stroke…” she said, her foot tapping lightly against the floor, a barely audible rhythm that betrayed her inner turmoil.

Danger Will Robinson!

- “I mean… I haven’t had such a relation with anyone…”
- “Then why the warning?”

Her hands, which had been resting on her lap, began to fidget with the hem of her shirt, a nervous habit she couldn’t quite shake. Her fingers twisted and untwisted the fabric, creating small creases that disappeared as quickly as they formed.

She paused for some seconds, like trying to find the right words, or the courage to speak. Or as chances have it, both. “Well… with my ex-boyfriends I was the one… I mean… I’ve always held the upper hand in my relationships. Though I prefer this way…” she said and paused again. I looked her straight in the eyes and once again she lowered her gaze.

Here it comes…

- “I… Oof… I… um… As I said, I prefer this way. I like having control, but… um… on the other hand, I couldn’t help but wonder how it would be like to have… to have someone… someone like you,” she said without looking at me, her cheeks flushing with a hint of color.

Bingo… 

 

4. Power Dynamics 101

Andie’s voice wavered, her eyes darting to the floor as she spoke. Her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her tank top, twisting the fabric nervously. A faint blush crept up her cheeks, contrasting with her usual confident demeanor.

- “Listen, Andie… Our patterns usually don’t emerge out of thin air. You’ve had this kind of relationship because you seek people that you want to… let’s say, control. Not having tested the other way around, and wondering how it might be, doesn’t make you a switch.”

My words were calm and measured, but Andie’s reaction was immediate. She bit her lower lip, her shoulders tensing slightly. Her eyes flickered up to meet mine briefly before dropping again, a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty evident in her gaze.

- “Then why do I long for someone like you?”
- “What is it that you see in me, Andie, and not in your boyfriends? It doesn’t really matter if your boyfriend is dominant or submissive, as long as he has the qualities you seek.”

Andie shifted slightly in her seat, her posture becoming more attentive. Her eyes were fixed on me, wide with curiosity and a hint of uncertainty. She bit her lower lip gently, a sign of her deep concentration and the internal processing of my words.

- “Being submissive doesn’t mean that you are passive, uncertain, or lacking confidence in yourself, just as being dominant doesn’t automatically make you certain or confident. What makes you dominant is that you seek control because having control works better for you. Being a Dom doesn’t make you any of the above; it makes you the counterpart to a submissive partner. It doesn’t matter if your psyche is dominant; if you don’t have a sub, you are not a Dom. To make an analogy, you are a bike owner because you own a bike, not just because you like riding one.”

Her hands, which had been fidgeting with the hem of her tank top, stilled and rested on her lap, fingers interlaced. Occasionally, she nodded subtly, acknowledging the points I made.

- “Submissives are those who prefer to give up that control because letting go feels natural and exhilarating. To be a sub, you must have a dominant who controls you, or at least controls the aspects he wishes to control.”
- “Wait, only what the Dom wants? I mean, what about what the sub wants?”
- “Supposedly, that’s exactly what a sub wants: to be controlled and do anything in their power to please their Dom, that is what makes them tick. As with every other type of relationship, compatibility is sine qua non. A Dom doesn’t seek the submission of every submissive, and not every submissive has the desire to please every dominant that exists. It takes two to tango… or more, if you’re on the adventurous side,” I said, chuckling.

She raised her eyes into mine briefly but didn’t respond.

- “Look, my experience has shown that every successful BDSM relationship between a Dominant and a submissive follows the same pattern. First comes the captivation, that is, the recognition of the Dominant’s power in the eyes of the submissive. However, this does not necessarily mean that there will be a relationship of dominance between them. For example, this captivation can occur without the Dominant pursuing it; the submissive simply finds this power irresistible. If this has happened, the submissive asks the Dominant to take them on, and if the Dominant wants something like this, then the training period begins, which lasts as long as necessary for the submissive person to learn to serve their Dom properly. That’s where the D/s relationship truly begins.”

A thoughtful expression crossed her face, and she tilted her head slightly to the side, as if weighing my words carefully.

- “That being said, it is not the only way. While the described pattern is a common starting point, it’s important to remember that BDSM relationships are diverse and can take many different forms. The most important factors are mutual consent, open communication, and the prioritization of safety and well-being. Another thing to remember is that there are various levels of power exchange. For example, there are people who prefer this to be strictly restricted to sessions; these are the Tops and the bottoms. There are people who truly seek this power exchange in a broader sense; that’s the Dom/sub dynamic. And there are people for whom only a total power exchange is fulfilling; these are Masters/slaves. Each to their own—being a bottom doesn’t make you worse than being a sub or a slave; it just makes you different.”

- “I’m not afraid of not having the control, Kostas, or for what it matters, totally surrendering it. I just haven’t been in a relationship with anyone to whom…” She paused for a moment. She took her hand from her lap and started fidgeting with her hair. She raised her eyes to look at me briefly, then darted them back to the floor.
- “There is a catch, Andie. In human relations, what we call ‘power’ is not measured in Watts. Power is the perception of potency, that’s why not every Dominant matches with any submissive, and that’s why this captivation could occur without the Dominant even pursuing it. It’s not complicated; it’s the equivalent of you falling in love with someone without the other party pursuing it, or even realizing that this thing happened.”
- “Yeah, I know,” she sighed, with her eyes looking straight at the floor. I had a very good idea about who she meant, but I played it dumb. “I saw a movie…”
- “What movie?”
- “Histoire d’O. Have you seen it?”
- “I have.”
- “Well… I… um… sometimes I like to think of myself as the heroine,” she said, her voice slightly trembling as she fidgeted with her hair even more intensely. “Um… the thing is… Oof…”
- “Andie, look at me, please,” I asked her. She looked at me uncertainly, not stopping playing with her hair. “There is nothing to be ashamed of. You know you can tell me everything, but you don’t have to push yourself. I mean, if you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to.”
She shifted nervously in her seat. “The thing is… I fantasize sometimes about being O, but… but to this day, I… I have thought of only one person as Sir Stefan…” She paused again. She took a deep breath and stared straight into my eyes. “You,” she said finally.

No shit, Sherlock… It’s Lizzy all over again; If you clap your hands she’ll come running to kneel before you; to be yours. Don’t you remember what she said? “I’m not forcing myself to humor you; it just feels natural. I don’t know what that thing between us is called, but I know very well that its end is predetermined. The month will pass, and this magical carriage will turn back into a pumpkin. I don’t care, do you hear me? Whatever this is, however forbidden it may be, I want to live it to the fullest. Even if it hurts. Because if you’ve never felt the sting of loss, for what have you truly lived?”

I crossed my Rubicon once; did I really want to do this again?

- “Why did you tell me this, Andie?”

Andie’s eyes darted nervously around the room before settling back on the floor. Her hands, which had been fidgeting with her hair, now twisted the fabric of her tank top. She took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling as she gathered the courage to speak.

- “I… I needed to be honest with you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been holding this in for so long, and I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. Truth will set you free. Sorry Kostas… I… I didn’t want to bring you in this position.”

I sighed and stood up to go sit next to her. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with her, and I was treading a very fine line. Andie, being extremely bright and beautiful, wasn’t used to rejections; usually, she was the one rejecting. If I were to reject her, I would have to find a way of doing it without hurting her feelings. As I sat down beside her, I could feel the warmth of her presence, and the tension in the air was almost palpable. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my thoughts.

- “Andie,” I began softly, “you know how much I care about you. You’re incredibly important to me, and I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you.”
She looked up at me, her eyes wide and searching. “I know, Kostas. That’s why I trust you. I just… I needed to tell you how I feel.”
I nodded, reaching out to gently take her hand in mine. “I understand. And I appreciate your honesty. But we need to be careful. Feelings are complicated, and it’s okay to have them. We just need to navigate them carefully”
Andie squeezed my hand, her expression a mix of hope and uncertainty. “I get it. I really do. But I also can’t help how I feel.”
- “One step at the time!” I said, smiling reassuringly. “Come here, give me a hug!”

Andie hesitated for a moment, then leaned into me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I could feel the tension in her body slowly melting away as she rested her head against my chest. I held her gently, feeling the warmth of her embrace and the steady rhythm of her breathing. I stroked her hair softly, offering comfort and reassurance, and we stayed like that for a while, finding solace in each other’s presence. The room was quiet, save for the soft sounds of our breathing and the distant hum of the city outside.

I continued to stroke her hair, thinking about my current predicament. Do I really want to do this to myself? With Lizzy, we had the time of our lives, but Andie wasn’t Lizzy. No one ever was like Lizzy. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I still remember, after almost sixteen years, her face after I made her mine for the first time. While Andie is objectively more beautiful, Lizzy… oh Gods, Lizzy at that exact moment was otherworldly, transcendent. I still find it extremely difficult to let go, and though falling in love with Rita, my first love, has been a surprise, in retrospect falling for Lizzy wasn’t.

It hurts like a bitch finding your true soulmate and not being able to be with her. It stings, damn it, it still hurts, even after almost sixteen years. Andie was young; she would find her way, but I was almost forty, and I… I didn’t know how to handle heartache. Since I lost my father, I have been emotionally numb; to this day, I’ve fallen in love twice, first with Rita and then with Lizzy. It hurt, Gods, it hurt, but Rita and Lizzy knew how to handle it. I didn’t. Andie… is… is one of the brightest, most intelligent people I’d ever met, and believe me, I have met many exceptionally bright people. It didn’t take long for my admiration of her mind to become awe, and while she had a crush on me, I quickly got enamored with her fierce intelligence.

I sighed deeply, feeling the weight of my thoughts pressing down on my chest. Andie shifted slightly in my arms, looking up at me with those wide, searching eyes.

“Come on, you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?” I could almost hear Lizzy’s mocking voice. “You never saw Andie like you saw me, Kostas. You never had fantasies about her like you did about me. You never saw her as the truly stunning young woman she was. For you, she was always just a bright mind that shone with the might of a thousand suns. Well, I’ve got news for you, mister. Andie is not just a mere young intellect; she has feelings, and she’s always had feelings for you. Her crush, which you once found amusing, has flourished. She’s in love with you, numbnuts. She always has been.”

I looked down at Andie, her eyes still searching for mine. While I was never afraid of the unknown, I never went into it headfirst. I did it once with Lizzy, and despite the pain I felt at the end, I didn’t mourn, and I never will. It was a gift bestowed upon me by the Universe itself; doing anything but cherishing these memories would be hubris to Lizzy’s existence. I smiled at Andie, and she smiled back tentatively.

I started leaning toward her, and she closed her eyes just before my lips found hers. The warmth of her breath mingled with mine, and the softness of her lips sent a shiver down my spine. I caressed her tenderly, feeling her body tremble with my gentle touch. Her sweet lips tasted like coffee, and her hair had the scent of flowers. Still locked in our kiss, her hands cupped my face, then drifted behind my neck, drawing me closer. The kiss deepened, growing more intense with every passing moment.

As our kiss deepened, I felt a surge of emotions, fear, excitement, and a profound sense of completion. Andie’s fingers tangled in my hair, her touch both gentle and insistent. Her body pressed against mine, and I could feel her heart racing in sync with my own. This was a moment of no return, a leap into the unknown, but for the first time in a long while, I felt ready to embrace it.

As our lips moved together, the memories of Lizzy and Rita flashed through my mind, always there, always reminding me of my journey. Andie was here, however, and her presence was grounding me in the present moment. Andie’s breath hitched slightly as the kiss deepened, her fingers tightening in my hair. Her body trembled against mine, a mix of vulnerability and desire. There would be no way back; once again, I found myself crossing the Rubicon.

“Come on, you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?” Lizzy’s voice mocked me in my mind. “Rubicons exist for one reason, numbnuts: to be crossed.”

Ἀνεῤῥίφθω κύβος. The die is cast.

 

5. Debugging Feelings: A Programmer's Guide to Oneself

I gently pulled away, breaking the kiss, and Andie reluctantly let go of me. She looked up at me, and for a few moments, our eyes locked in a silent battle before she lowered her gaze to the floor. Although my heart rate had begun to slow, my mind was racing a thousand miles a minute. I pulled Andie closer, and she snuggled into my embrace, holding me tightly as if she couldn’t believe what her senses were telling her, as if she needed to hold me tightly to convince herself that I was real. In any other situation, I would have found this reaction amusing, but not this time. I needed no further proof; Andie didn’t just have a crush on me, she was in love; deeply in love.

As for me, although I loved her deeply and was enamored with her brilliant mind, I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, at least not in this way. With Lizzy, I may have been proven wrong and ended up falling in love with her in just a few days, but I knew deep down that it wouldn’t be the same with Andie. Not because she wasn’t worthy of love, or because she was inexperienced—after all, she is just two years younger than Lizzy was when I fell in love with her—but because I truly believe that in everyone’s life there exists one Lizzy, and then everybody else.

Boy, was I wrong…

I focused on her breaths, trying to silence my ominous thoughts. The last thing I wanted was to mislead her. Despite her fantasies of being a sub—at least to me—I knew that love could blur the lines. I had seen it quite a few times: many young people, lacking the relevant experience in BDSM, tended to think of themselves as submissives just because they’d fallen in love with a dominant person. Wanting to please someone you love doesn’t make you a sub; it makes you human. Love is intense, blinding, and unstoppable. She might indeed be what she claimed, but I had to make sure.

Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν, [Love, unconquerable in battle,]
Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήνεσι πίπτεις, [Love, who falls upon our flocks,]
ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς [who keeps night watch]
νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις, [on a maiden’s soft cheeks,]
φοιτᾷς δ᾽ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾽ [you roam across the seas],
ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς [ and through the shepherds’ rustic dwellings.]
καί σ᾽ οὔτ᾽ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς [Neither any of the immortals]
οὔθ᾽ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾽ ἀνθρώπων, [nor of mortal men can escape you,]
ὁ δ᾽ ἔχων μέμηνεν. [and he who is seized by you goes mad.]

“You learned your lessons the hard way, babe,” I heard Lizzy’s voice in my mind. “We both did. She has you, Kostas. Guide her, nurture her, and help her understand herself. Make this a wondrous journey of discovery. You did that once with us; you can do it again with her. Not by preaching, but by living it to the fullest, like we did. Do you remember our last night together? I said that it was the rodeo of my life, and you just smiled. ‘No,’ you said. ‘It was not a rodeo. It was a ride on a carousel.’ That’s why, after all these years, you’re longing for the time we had together. It wasn’t an adrenaline fix; you never needed such a thing. It was something magical; the kind of magic that only a carousel can give. Let these two weeks be the beginning of her magical ride. Your magical ride.”

As I delved into my thoughts, Andie’s body language subtly mirrored her inner turmoil and anticipation. Her eyes, wide and searching, locked onto my face, trying to decipher my emotions. When I pulled away from the kiss, she hesitated, her hands lingering on my shoulders before slowly sliding down to her lap. She began to fidget with the hem of her tank top, twisting the fabric nervously between her fingers, a small, repetitive motion that betrayed her anxiety.

Despite her nervousness, she leaned slightly closer to me, seeking comfort in my presence. She snuggled into my embrace, her body pressing against mine as if to reassure herself of my physical and emotional support. Her breathing, initially shallow and rapid, gradually slowed to a more rhythmic pace as she settled into my arms. Her posture relaxed slightly, though she still held onto me tightly, her grip firm and almost desperate.

Her face was a canvas of emotions—her brows furrowed in concentration; her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. The occasional bite of her lower lip revealed her inner conflict and the intensity of her feelings. When I looked at her, Andie’s eyes met mine briefly before darting away. She glanced down at the floor, then back up at me, her gaze flickering with a mixture of hope and fear.

- “Tell me, what was the problem with your compiler that night?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation to something familiar and grounding.
She stared at me, confused. “Inheritance, the child class…”
- “I know what inheritance is,” I interrupted gently. “What really went wrong?”
- “Pointer arithmetic,” she replied, her brow furrowing as she tried to understand where I was going with this.
- “Do you remember what I’ve told you to convey that project management and programming sometimes share the same struggles?” I asked, hoping to draw a parallel that might help her see the bigger picture.
- “Computer does what is asked to do; not what you want to do,” she recited, a small smile playing on her lips as she recalled the lesson.
- “Great! Now, for the next part, could you please bring me your laptop?”
- “Yes, of course,” she replied and went to the study to fetch her laptop. She handed it to me and sat right next to me.
- “Thank you!” I opened her laptop, and after she entered her password, I opened a browser trying to find the image I wanted. “Please close your eyes, for our next exercise I really need you not to know what I’m searching for.”
- “Okay!” she replied and closed her eyes, smiling. When I found the image, I asked her to open her eyes and describe what she was seeing.
- “I think this is a diagram of a World War II bomber plane viewed from above.”
- “That’s correct.”
- “Scattered across the plane are numerous red dots. I assume that these are points where the plane had been hit?”
- “That’s also correct. Now, looking at this picture, what would be your suggestion on how to reinforce the bombers?”
- “Well… the obvious answer would be the place with more hits, but that would be a grave mistake, I think,” she said, and I swear to God, I’d never felt prouder of her than at that very moment. “I mean, in order to have this diagram, the airplane returned. That means the white areas may very well represent points of impact that doomed the planes that got those hits. Um, why are you looking at me like that?”
- “Because again and again and again, you show me that you’re the brightest person I’ve ever met. You are absolutely correct, Andie, and that’s exactly what the statistician Abraham Wald pointed out.”
Andie’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, a warm blush spreading across her cheeks. She felt a rush of pride and joy, her heart swelling at the recognition from the man she adored. A soft, genuine smile formed on her lips, and she looked at me with a mixture of admiration and gratitude. “Thank you,” she said, her voice tinged with emotion.
- “Lesson one, survivorship bias is a cognitive bias that occurs when we focus on the successes or survivors of a particular group or situation, while overlooking those that failed or didn’t make it. This can lead to skewed perceptions and incorrect conclusions. The keyword here is ‘overlook.’”
- “Okay,” she replied, smiling, still not quite sure where I was getting to.
- “Now, let’s go to our next question. Why do you think that you are a switch?”
- “Um… I’ve told you. I like to have the upper hand in my relations, but… um… I fantasized often of me in the place of O and you in the place of Sir Stefan, and… and you are… you are the only one I can imagine in his position.”
- “And why does this make you a switch?”
- “Because… because you’re a dominant person.”
- “Until an hour ago, you didn’t even know that I’m into BDSM. How did you know that I was a dominant?”
- “I didn’t… I dunno… your aura, I suppose,” she replied, starting to nervously fidget with her tank top again.
- “Andie, I’m not testing you, I’m trying to understand your reasoning. There are no right or wrong answers; you obviously have your perspective of me, and I’m just trying to find where it’s based. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, as I’m indeed a dominant personality, and so are you; and you know it. So, what is it that makes you think that you are a switch?”
- “I… um… I… I have fantasized the two of us in…”
- “In a sexual way?”
- “Yes and no. I mean… I…”
- “You don’t need to tell me the details if that makes you uncomfortable.”
- “Okay… the thing is that… I fantasize about pleasuring you, in any way you want.”
- “And why does this make you a switch? I’m also very fond of pleasuring my partner. Look, being a sub is not just replying ‘How high?’ when your partner says ‘frog.’”
- “But… but you said earlier that the act of giving is what makes them tick. I just… I just desire to give you.”
- “You forgot the ‘anything your Dom’ asks part. Is that truly your desire?”
- “I mean…”
- “Even if you don’t like the very act and by doing it you get your satisfaction by the satisfaction your Dom gets?”
- “I wouldn’t take that this far.”
- “I’m sure you wouldn’t. What you are describing is what any healthy person in love seeks, to please their partner. The catch is the real reason behind this behavior. Remember the survivorship bias? Look at the whole picture, Andie, what is really missing? What was the mistake all the other analysts except Wald made? What is the relation with what I’ve told you about computers?”
- “They… they were distracted by the markers; their reasoning went sideways because they disregarded the very fact that a plane needs to survive in order to return with these hits. The first, the second, the third, and every survived plane just reinforced their false reasoning. But the computer does what is asked, and not what you really want. The planes survived not because the reinforced parts were better protected, but because they didn’t really matter in the big picture.” She paused for some moments, looking me straight in the eyes, still unsure where I was taking it. And then it hit her.
Andie’s eyes widened in sudden realization, her mouth forming a small “o” shape as the understanding dawned on her. She looked at me with a mixture of shock and enlightenment, her eyebrows raised in surprise. Her body tensed slightly, and she leaned back a little, as if the weight of the revelation had physically impacted her. Her hands, which had been fidgeting nervously with her tank top, stilled, and she brought one hand up to cover her mouth briefly before exclaiming, “Damn!”
I chuckled. “Lesson number two: Confirmation bias is a cognitive distortion that occurs when we seek out information that confirms our existing beliefs and ignore or downplay information that contradicts them. In essence, we tend to see what we want to see.”
- “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
- “Well, you’re delightfully woman, but yeah, that’s the spirit!” I replied, my voice filled with warmth, making her eyes shine. “Look, Andie, I don’t say that you are wrong, you might indeed be a switch. I didn’t take you to dance…” said and she chuckled “just to yank your chain. What I’m trying to do is to make sure that you aren’t blindsided by your own feelings. Remember what I said? One step at the time, and I’ll be here for you, all the way.”
- “Kiss me!” she asked, with trembling voice.
- “Hahahaha, you rediscovered your long-lost dominant self, kiddo?” I teased her, a playful glint in my eye.
- “Yes! Shut up and kiss me!” she replied with a smile brighter than the sunniest summer day.
- “Hop on,” I told her playfully, striking my thighs with my palms. With a swift movement, she climbed onto me and, spreading her legs, sat over my lap. Our gazes locked. Her hands found my neck, fingers threading through my hair as she leaned in, her breath warm against my skin. Gently holding her head, I pulled her towards me, and our lips met again.

Once again, I was the one that gently pulled away, breaking the kiss, but this time I didn’t let her go. She looked up at me, smiling. I took both her hands and brought them to my lips and gave them a tender kiss.

- “So, let’s go to ‘Utopia’ to have our chocolate, I have been waiting for this almost ten years!”
- “Sure,” she replied chuckling. “Give me five minutes to get dressed.”
- “Um, why? I mean ok, you are quite hot with your slim tank top and your shorts, but other than that you’re pretty decent. I’m the one who needs to get dressed!”
- “And why your t-shirt and shorts need to be changed, but mine don’t?”
- “Because you have most definitely better boobs and way nicer ass than mine!” I replied, making her blush.
Andie blushed, her cheeks turning a rosy pink. “Stop it,” she laughed, playfully swatting at my arm. “And for your information, mister, you have a great ass too! Nom-nom-nom!”
- “Well, yours is more to my liking,” I replied, grinning.
- “Imagine my surprise!” she said, sticking out her tongue playfully. “I’ve noticed how you stare sometimes,” she continued, making me blush lightly.
- “I’m pleading the fifth!” I joked, trying to deflect her teasing. “So, I’m going to change, and we should get going!”
- “Okay!” she replied, her eyes still filled with amusement.

I put on my jeans and a black T-shirt with Claude Shannon’s entropy equation written on it. As I was buttoning my shirt, I caught Andie’s gaze. She was watching me with a mixture of admiration and amusement.

- “Geek!” she teased, her eyes sparkling.
- “I’m a geek and proud of it!” I replied with a grin.
- “As if I’m any different,” she retorted, laughing. “We’re both nerds.”
- “Yes, but only one of us has a supermodel quality!” I teased her, making her blush even more.
- “I…” she started but I interrupted her.
- “I meant me, of course!” said, earning her “BRRRRRRRRRRR” and we both burst into laughter. 

 

6. Love, Loss, and Hot Chocolate

Smiling, we held hands and walked the short distance to Handakos Street where Utopia was located, passing by Azteca’s. The air was filled with the tantalizing aroma of spices wafting from the restaurant, making my stomach rumble.

- “You know we’re having Mexican tonight, don’t you?” I said to her.
- “Whatever you wish,” she replied with a smile. “Just not the 2-F, please!”
- “Hahaha, no, no, one time is enough, and I did it twice! The second time was even worse than the Minoan eruption!” I told her, making her laugh again. I loved making her laugh; she had a wonderful, girlish laugh that I could never get enough of.

A few moments later, we arrived at Utopia. The moment we stepped inside, we were enveloped by the rich, warm scent of chocolate. The cozy ambiance was enhanced by soft, ambient lighting and the gentle hum of conversations around us.

The first time I visited Utopia, back when I was still a student, I was amazed by the variety of drinks when the waiter brought us the menu. I never imagined there could be so many types of chocolate. Now, I knew exactly what I wanted, so I told the waiter I didn’t need a menu, and Andie did the same. We both ordered a praline, and when he brought them in Utopia’s signature huge cups, the steam rising from the hot chocolate carried an intoxicating aroma that made my mouth water.

Even though it was almost scalding hot, it took me no more than a few minutes to finish and ask for a second. The rich, velvety texture and the perfect level of sweetness made it more than just a delicious hot chocolate; it was a time travel using the time machine of the senses. The warmth of the drink spread through me, bringing back memories of my student days and the countless hours spent there, either with my friends or alone, simply reading a book and enjoying the soft murmur of the people and the sounds of the city.

Andie took a sip and closed her eyes, savoring the taste. “This is amazing,” she said, her voice filled with genuine delight. Her smile was radiant, and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and happiness seeing her so content.
- “Do you want to hear a story?” I asked her.
- “Yes!” she replied enthusiastically, her eyes shining.
- “Well, you know my friend Mike, don’t you?”
- “Mike the Spike?” she asked, laughing. Well, Mike was—and still is—a hopeless womanizer!
- “The one and only!”
- “Ok, tell me the story!”
- “Well, believe it or not, Mike, when he was young, was a very shy boy!”
- “What?” she asked, her eyes bulging so much that even the most ambitious frog in the trendiest swamp would be green—pun intended—with envy.
- “Yup, you heard me right. So, when he was seventeen, he fell in love…”
- “With a gypsy queen?” she interrupted me, chuckling.
- “HAHAHAHA, shut up! Do you want to hear the story or not?”
- “Zipping it!”
- “I wouldn’t take it that far!”
- “Unzipping it!” she retorted, making me laugh again.
- “So, as I said, he was seventeen years old when he had a crush on a classmate of his called Katerina. But when he finally mustered the courage to confess his feelings to her, she laughed in his face…”
- “Oh no…” she said closing momentarily her mouth with her right hand.
- “Yup, Mike was devastated, and being just a boy, he made all of these ominous and dramatic thoughts. His father Sifis, however, noticed that something was wrong with his son, so he pressured Mike until he finally confessed everything to him. The poor guy expected his father to lecture him about how men don’t cry and such, but instead, he told him, ‘Get up, Michalio, let’s go have a drink.’

Andie listened intently, her eyes widening with interest. She leaned forward slightly, resting her chin in her hand, her fingers lightly tapping her cheek as she absorbed the story.

- “Mike thought that his father would take him out for some raki, but Sifis whose gravitas made the earth tremble, took his heartbroken lad here for some hot chocolate!” I continued, and with a small smile played on her lips she nodded approvingly.
- “After they drank their hot chocolates, Sifis sat down and talked to Mike, helping him understand that this has always been part of the game called ‘love’. ‘If one girl doesn’t want you, there will be ten others who will; it’s a natural part of life to experience both joy and pain, because sometimes that’s just the way the game of love goes!’ he said to Mike. ‘Love is a bittersweet journey. There is no shame in being heartbroken; the shame lies in not moving forward.’”
She looked up, her eyes meeting mine with a newfound respect. “Sifis was wise,” she said, her voice filled with admiration. She then leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms and shaking her head slightly, a playful smile returning to her face. “If he knew what kind of monster he was creating, he might have decided to take him for raki after all!” she added, making me once again burst into laughter.
- “When you’re right, you’re right!”
- “I’m always right except two times: once I thought I’ve been wrong!”
- “That’s only one time!”
- “I’ve been mistaken!” she said chuckling, and I almost laughed to tears.
- “You know something, kiddo?” I asked her when I found my breath. “I got enamored with your out-of-the-charts intelligence, but I fell in love with your humor!”
- “Aww!” she said blushing.
- “Now, spit it up, what happened with your ex-boyfriend?”
- “He was possessive and jealous and tried to be controlling. Well, that doesn’t work with me, so… so long and thank for all the fish.”
- “Controlling, huh?”
- “If you are trying to point out that this goes against my fantasies of being O, don’t bother, I know it very well myself,” she sighed.
- “Well, the difference between theory and practice…”
- “Is small in theory but big in practice,” she said completing my sentence. “It’s what I told you, I’ve met only one that could fit the image of Sir Stefan.”
- “In theory…” I retorted.
- “In theory” she admitted and then she smiled deviously. “As a scientist I have a duty to test the theory!”
- “Be careful what you wish for; Gods might listen, and they have very devious ways of granting wishes!”
- “No,” she said moving her head. “We alone pave our road.”

Instead of responding, I recited to her a verse from Varnalis’ masterpiece ‘The Ballad of Old-Mentios’

«Φως ζητάνε τα χαϊβάνια
Και οι ραγιάδες απ’ τα ουράνια
Μα Θεοί και εξ’από’δω
Κει δεν είναι παρά δω»

- “Exactly!” she responded.
- “Anyway, though I like your enthusiasm, testing this particular theory can be tricky.”
- “What do you mean?” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.
- “Why did you get defensive?” I asked her.
- “I didn’t!”
- “Your body language speaks otherwise.” She tilted her head a little, looking at me confused. “You crossed your arms when I told you that testing that particular theory can be tricky. Why?”
- “Um… that means nothing, you’re reading too much into this,” she responded, even more reserved.
- “Do I?” I asked, looking her straight in the eyes. She lowered her gaze, her shoulders slumping slightly as if the weight of my words had settled on her. Her fingers, which had been nervously tapping against her arm, stilled, and she took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling with a hint of tension. Her eyes flickered back up to meet mine. She bit her lower lip before nodding slightly, acknowledging my concern. “Look, Andie, the last thing I want is for you to get hurt. If I were younger, I might not have given it a second thought, especially with a young woman as exquisite and alluring as you, but I’m not. Power corrupts, and I’m not immune to power highs, and you are not a random person, you mean much to me.”

Andie’s eyes widened slightly, and she blinked a few times. Her cheeks flushed with a hint of color, and her lips parted slightly, a soft gasp escaping. She leaned back in her chair, her hands gripping the armrests tightly, her knuckles turning white. Her breathing became more rapid, her chest rising and falling with each breath. She looked away briefly, her gaze flitting around as if searching for something to anchor her emotions. When she looked back at me, her eyes were filled with a mixture of gratitude, vulnerability, and a hint of fear. She swallowed hard, her throat bobbing, and then she nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving mine.

- “Baby steps!” I said, trying to ease her wariness. I smiled at her, and she tentatively smiled back. “I’m all for testing your theory, kiddo, but we need to tread carefully. I don’t want you to be disillusioned by any possible failure, and Andie, in your life, you haven’t learned to fail. You’ve always succeeded at getting what you really wanted.”
Suddenly the realization hit her. “You devious bastard, that’s way you told me the story of Mike!”. She crossed again her hands in front of her chest, looking at me with fake anger, but the shine in her eyes betrayed her amusement.
- “I’m pleading the fifth!” I said, chuckling.
- “Love is a bittersweet journey. There is no shame in being heartbroken; the shame lies in not moving forward,” she said reciting word for word the end of the story I’ve told her. “There is no shame in failure, shame lies in not getting up and start again, after a failure!”
- “Nanakorobi, ya oki” I told her. “Fall down seven times, stand up eight!”

As if I were any better… I’ve held onto the memories of my time with Lizzy, treasuring them, but I never gave myself permission to truly grieve the end of our relationship. I thought mourning would somehow tarnish what we had shared. But I’ve come to realize something important: by denying myself the chance to mourn, I’ve denied myself closure. Grief isn’t something to be ashamed of or avoided. It’s an essential part of healing. The real hubris would have been to let grief sour those precious memories. My critical error was refusing to let myself process the loss. For sixteen years, I’ve been stuck, unable to move forward, carrying this void within me.

- “It’s time to get up. It’s time to move on. This would be your true Rubicon crossing, Kostas,” I heard Lizzy’s voice in my mind.

- “What’s with this roundabout way of yours?” Andie asked, her voice tinged with genuine curiosity. She tilted her head, studying me. “I’ve noticed you often shy away from being direct.”
I smiled, considering her observation. “It’s like the old proverb: give someone a fish, and they eat for a day; teach them to fish, and they eat for a lifetime. I want you to reach your own conclusions, to make the discoveries yours. Plus,” I added with a wry grin, “sometimes I need to remind myself of these lessons too.”
- “Hmmm… Okay, I get it.”

We drank our hot chocolates, bantering and teasing each other. Utopia has a broad selection of board games for its patrons, and Andie pleaded with me to have a game of chess. While I’m more than a decent player, she’s death incarnated; in all our years of playing, my greatest achievement was simply surviving past the thirtieth move. It’s not easy for a competitive guy like me to willingly walk into a defeat, but I couldn’t resist her enthusiasm. What followed was an exercise in humility. She trashed me; we played three games, but in not even one of them did I manage to last more than twenty-five moves. Actually, in the first game, I tried a tricky line and got my ass handed to me in just fifteen moves. But the coup de grâce came in our final game. With the casualness of someone commenting on the weather, Andie announced a forced checkmate in five to nine moves, depending on how I responded. Five to nine moves! I struggle to see four moves ahead, and here she was, mapping out nine moves without breaking a sweat. Damn!

Andie’s intellectual prowess was nothing short of extraordinary. Having an IQ that would make even a Mensa member look like a cretin in comparison and coupled with a family that recognized her gift and nurtured it relentlessly, it’s no wonder she was an unstoppable force in chess. I remember when we first met; Euclidean geometry was giving her trouble. Fast forward a few months, and she wasn’t just comfortable with it, we were delving into topics that would make university students scratch their heads. Imagine a sixteen-year-old grasping non-Euclidean geometries without so much as a calculus class under her belt. It’s not something you see every day.

Keeping pace with her lightning-fast mind was a Herculean task. I found myself teaching her advanced concepts—calculus, algebra, complex numbers, coordinate geometry—and she soaked it all up like a sponge. It was as if her brain was wired for mathematics. That’s why it threw me for a loop when she didn’t ace Complexity Theory. It’s practically pure math, and Andie had been scoring perfect tens in all her math and physics courses. It was the academic equivalent of seeing a fish struggle to swim.

- “Oh Gods, it’s like playing against Beth Harmon!”
- “Who’s she?” she asked curiously. “I don’t know any such female player!”
- “She’s the heroine of the book titled ‘The Queen’s Gambit’ by Walter Tevis. It’s about a young chess prodigy who battles her personal demons while competing against the world’s greatest chess masters. The depiction of the chess battles and her thought process during the games is legendary. You should most definitely read it; the University Library has a copy. I read it during my seventh semester.”
- “Really? That sounds fascinating!” she replied, her eyes sparkling with interest. “What kind of personal demons does she face? And how does she manage to compete at such a high level?”
- “Well, without giving too much away, she struggles with addiction and the pressures of being a young female prodigy in a male-dominated field. Her journey is as much about overcoming her inner battles as it is about her chess matches. The way Tevis describes her strategic thinking during the games is just incredible.”
- “Wow, I definitely need to read that,” she said enthusiastically. “I love stories that delve into the psychological aspects of competition. So, what’s next?”
- “Well, after such a thorough defeat, I think it’s time to head home,” I said with a grin. “Let the experiments begin!” I teased her, and she blushed.
- “As you wish,” she replied shyly, but her eyes couldn’t hide her excitement.

 

7. Experimental Dynamic Systems Theory

We returned home, the air between us charged with a mix of excitement, anticipation, and a hint of uneasiness on her part. After all, she was about to be tested. Andie is clearly a dominant personality, despite her fantasies of being O with me as Sir Stefan. She has no practical knowledge of this kind of relationship, only what she has read on the internet, and having the upper hand in all her relationships came naturally to her. I know that she sees me differently; for Andie, I am her mentor, and that’s why I needed to make sure that her curiosity about her submissive side was not misplaced.

- “So, where do we start?” Andie asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity and a hint of worry.
- “For starters, I want you to relax,” I replied to her. “There is no right or wrong; we’re exploring.”
- “Okay,” she replied hesitantly.
- “Before going any further, and to avoid any misunderstandings, I really, really won’t think less of you if the experiment fails. Nothing is going to change how I see you.”
Andie took a deep breath, her shoulders relaxing slightly. “Okay,” she replied with a slight smile. “Alright, let’s do this.”
- “Do you remember the day we first met?”
- “Yes, of course, it was a few days before my sixtieth birthday.”
- “Your mom told us that your IQ score was off the charts, but I didn’t take her words at face value. Remember the game I asked you to play?”
- “Of course I do!”
- “It wasn’t a game; I wanted to assess your deductive reasoning. Andie, before meeting you, I hadn’t met anyone smarter than me; I felt humbled. You know my love for mathematics, and yet I studied computer science. The real reason, however, was not that I got enamored by Z80 internals; it was because I knew that though being quite intelligent, I wasn’t top-notch. I wasn’t destined for greatness. I accepted being your tutor because you have that something I lacked—a raw intellect that I could only dream of.”
Andie’s eyes widened with surprise, and she took a moment to process what I had just shared. She then smiled warmly, her expression a mix of admiration and affection. “Wow, Kostas, I had no idea you felt that way.”
- “It’s just the truth, Andie. It isn’t some latent inferiority complex; it’s awe. I’ve always felt awe for your mind. It’s not a shame to admire someone better than you. What I wanted to convey—and I want to be absolutely clear about this—is that whatever will follow has nothing to do with how I see you. My admiration and respect aren’t changed a bit.”
- “Okay,” she replied, smiling broadly with the glint of understanding finally in her eyes. “Okay,” she repeated, more relaxed, her voice filled with a sense of acceptance.
- “Come here,” I said, my voice gentle but insistent, leaving no room for argument. Andie didn’t hesitate and came to stand in front of me. “The point of this game is to take you out of your comfort zone and force you to embrace your vulnerability. Remember, there is no right and wrong.”
- “Okay!”
- “Take off your tank top,” I ordered her with a firm and commanding voice. She blinked her eyes, as if she couldn’t believe what I had commanded her to do.
- “I…” she began, her voice trailing off. Her eyes met mine, and for a moment, our eyes locked in a silent battle, each of us unwilling to back down. I could feel the tension in the air, almost palpable, as we stood there. Finally, she lowered her gaze to the floor, her shoulders slumping slightly.

I didn’t respond verbally, just waited for Andie to do what I’d asked her to. My heart pounded in my chest, a mix of anticipation and concern. I wondered what was going through her mind, hoping she felt safe enough to continue. She stood for some moments, uncertain, and without speaking, she took off her tank top, standing naked from the waist up for the first time in front of me. While her breasts weren’t the epitome of perfection like Lizzy’s, they were very beautiful on their own. Slightly smaller than the former’s, and while they didn’t defy gravity—they had a slight, natural sag—they were full and inviting.

- “Now take off your shorts,” I commanded her again. “Keep your panties on.”

This time her response was quicker; she nodded and, taking off her shorts, left wearing only her everyday panties. Without speaking, I stood up and did a circle around her, admiring the view. Her bottoms were the stuff that dreams are made of; being an athlete her bottoms were even better than Lizzy’s. She dared not meet my eyes, her gaze fixed firmly on the floor, a flicker of uneasiness in her expression. Still not looking up, she took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling rapidly, betraying her nervousness.

- “Get down on your knees,” I commanded. Without saying a word, she knelt obediently. I sat back down on the couch. “Look at me, Andie,” I demanded. With visible effort, she managed to raise her gaze and meet my eyes, her uneasiness intensifying. “How does all this make you feel? Don’t respond immediately, take your time.”
- “May… May I ask you a question?”
- “Yes, you have my permission to ask me a question,” I responded, giving emphasis to the word ‘permission’. Despite her visible uneasiness, she chuckled when she realized what had just happened.
- “Well… my question just got answered,” she chuckled again, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. Her hands fidgeted slightly, fingers intertwining and then releasing as she tried to find the right words. “Okay… I… it feels strange. I mean… I… I feel embarrassed but at the same time it’s not humiliating.” She glanced up at me, her eyes wide and earnest, before quickly looking down again, her cheeks flushing a soft pink.
- “I’m standing on my knees in front of you, almost naked,” she continued, her voice trembling slightly. Her posture was slightly hunched, shoulders drawn inward as if to protect herself. “I feel exposed. I feel vulnerable. Yet… I know that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.” She took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling rapidly, and looked up at me again, seeking reassurance in my gaze.
- “Kostas… you… you said that I’m your better, but I really-really don’t see it that way.” Her hands moved to rest on her thighs. “I mean… I always looked up to you, I always strived to be better… for you.” Her voice grew softer, more introspective, as she spoke. “Yes, I know that you pushed me to be better for my own good but… I did it for you, Kostas.” She paused, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and her lips pressed together as she gathered her thoughts. “I deemed myself good enough as I was. I… I didn’t want to disappoint you. I didn’t want to… to make you feel less of me.”
Her voice wavered, and she looked down, her hands now clasped tightly together. “I don’t care if you think that I’m cleverer than you… what really counted was… was that you were the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. In you, I found… God, I hate to use this word… someone worthy of my time.” She chuckled softly, a mix of embarrassment and sincerity in her tone. “Someone who could give me a real challenge, someone who my intelligence didn’t freak him out, someone who didn’t give a shit about my appearance, someone who accepted me because of what I really was, a nerdy girl.” She looked up at me one last time, her eyes filled with a mixture of hope and vulnerability.
- “I would never deign to make someone I consider inferior kneel before me, Andie,” I replied softly, my posture firm and upright, exuding confidence and sincerity. My eyes locked onto hers, unwavering, to emphasize the seriousness of my words. I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, a gesture meant to reassure and comfort her. “Look, my previous partners tended to seek someone they deemed superior. It’s neither right nor wrong; it is what it is.” I paused, my hand dropping back to my side, and took a deep breath. “Their usual error was falling for guys who deemed them inferior.” My voice grew firmer, my gaze intense. “You never do anything with anyone who doesn’t truly respect you. Never, ever! Is that clear?”
- “Yes!” she replied. “Yes, it is!” she replied nodding.
- “What I’ve said applies not only to your submissive side, but also to your dominant side,” I continued, my voice steady and firm. I stood tall, my posture exuding confidence and authority. Andie’s eyes widened slightly as she listened intently, her body language shifting from tense to attentive. “Never engage in this kind of relationship with someone you do not respect. Your sub will look up to you and always try to please you. Be grateful. Be respectful.”

I paused, allowing the weight of my words to sink in. Andie nodded slowly, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, fingers interlaced as if seeking stability. Her breathing was shallow, and she bit her lower lip, a sign of her internal struggle.

- “Power corrupts,” I continued, my gaze intense and unwavering. I leaned slightly forward, emphasizing my point. “And your partners are not toys; they’re human beings. Always respect that. If you don’t respect someone, don’t have a relationship with them, especially one of this kind.” Andie looked down briefly, then back up at me, her eyes glistening with understanding. “You may find yourself unable to reciprocate their feelings, but for me, it is Hubris not respecting the person who adores you. And Hubris leads to Ate, Ate leads to Nemesis, and Nemesis leads to Tisis.”
Andie’s eyes widened further, absorbing the gravity of my words. “I promise,” she whispered.
- “I know you will, kiddo!” I said, lightly caressing her right cheek. “Let’s take a break. Please get up and put back your tank top, but not your shorts.” She tried to do what I’ve asked her, but I stopped her. “When I’m asking something, your reply will be always ‘Yes, Sir’, is that clear?”
- “It is, Sir,” she replied, rising to her feet.
- “Excellent. So, now we are on a break, what do you want to have for lunch?”
- “Sir... I would love to have your carbonara, if... if...” she said, her voice laced with hesitation.
- “Andie, I said ‘let’s take a break!’”
- “As long as you don’t pull a Rachel on me,” she said, chuckling.
- “Cross my heart!” I replied laughing. “So, carbonara?”
- “That would be great. Though we need to got to the supermarket, I’m fresh out of eggs.”
- “Ok, put your shorts and let’s go stocking your fridge!”
- “Okay!” she replied, her smile even wider.

After what feels like ages away from Heraklion, I discovered a shiny new supermarket has popped up right across from Theotokopoulos Park. In a flash (well, ten minutes), we zipped through our grocery run and were back home. We snagged eggs, crème, bacon, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers, Mykonos-style sausage, and mushrooms. Why? Because Andie’s planning to whip up her legendary “everything-but-the-kitchen-sink” omelet tomorrow! And I firmly believe that anyone who hasn’t tasted Andie’s legendary omelet at least once has no right to say they’ve lived life to the fullest!

Anyway, the original carbonara is made with eggs, pecorino, and guanciale, but mine was a bit of a rebel: eggs, crème, bacon, and mushrooms. Sure, any self-respecting Italian might scream ‘Bloody Murder!’, but honestly, I couldn’t care less. Everyone who’s tasted my carbonara swears it’s better than the original recipe, and Andie was no exception. After we ate, we went for a walk to let the food settle. When we got back, she begged me to join her for a long ride on her V-Max, and then for a swim. Well, it’s been over ten years since my last visit to Glaros beach, so why not?

So, there I was, clinging to Andie like a koala to a eucalyptus tree, as she revved up her V-Max. My heart was doing the cha-cha, and I was pretty sure I left my bravery back at home. As we zoomed off, the wind whipped through my hair (or what was left of it), and I might have let out a squeak or two.

Andie, of course, was in her element, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. Meanwhile, I was mentally drafting my will. Every turn felt like a rollercoaster, and I was convinced we were defying at least three laws of physics. But as the ride went on, I started to loosen my death grip and even managed a shaky smile. As I said earlier, the sensation of the wind hitting my face was exhilarating, like riding a horse at full gallop. By the time we reached Glaros beach, I was feeling a mix of exhilaration and relief, like I’d just survived a bungee jump.

Andie laughed at my wobbly legs as I got off the bike, but hey, I made it! And you know what? It was actually kind of fun. Maybe motorcycles aren’t so bad after all… as long as Andie’s driving!

I couldn’t help but remember the first time I went to Glaros beach with Lizzy, sixteen years ago. It was her first day in Crete, and it was later in the afternoon than today. We found ourselves alone at the beach. After swimming and playing for an hour or so, she decided to sunbathe and casually asked if she could go topless, nearly giving me a heart attack. While you couldn’t accuse me of being a prude, I was shocked; after all, Lizzy was my first cousin, not just some random girl I went swimming with!

Fast forward to today, and the beach wasn’t as deserted. There were three other groups of young people, all around Andie’s age. At thirty-nine, I felt like the grandpa of the beach, and truth be told, we got some, let’s call them, curious looks, especially when Andie applied sunscreen onto my body. Being the gal extraordinaire she is, drew their attention like a magnet. And while women consider me good-looking, I wasn’t anywhere near her level of attractiveness.

- “I’ve told you about Lizzy’s visit back in ‘96, haven’t I?” I asked after we laid out the towels and plopped down.
- “Your younger cousin from your dad’s side, right?” Andie replied, eyebrow arched like a pro.
- “Yep, the one and only. On the first day, we came here for a swim. Late afternoon, around six. We were alone, splashed around for an hour or so, but Lizzy wanted to sunbathe. Anyway, when she got out, she asked if she could go topless because she hated tan lines. Nearly gave me a heart attack right there!”
Andie chuckled, eyes twinkling like Christmas lights. “I never pegged you for a prude!”
- “She caught me totally off-guard,” I said, scratching my neck like a confused puppy. “I’d known Lizzy since forever! She’s just three days younger than me - we practically shared a crib!”
Andie laughed, shaking her head. “You must’ve looked like a deer in headlights!”
I nodded, grinning like an idiot. “More like a fish out of water! I swear my jaw hit the sand so hard it left a dent... especially after she whipped off her top. I stayed in the water so long I almost turned into a human popsicle!”
- “I’d pay good money to see that face!” she said, laughing her ass off.
- “Oh, is that so, missy?” I asked, and she giggled again like a schoolgirl. “Take of your top!” I asked suddenly in a firm voice.
- “Yes, Sir!” she replied, getting instantly into the spirit. Her reply came with a straight face, but I could clearly see her eyes sparkling with anticipation.

She took off her top, and the stares we got multiplied to the tenfold.

 

8. A Possible Kill Screen

- “So, let’s go for a swim,” I told her. I dashed into the water, splashing a playful arc of water in her direction. Andie, being a bit of a cold-water baby, waded in more cautiously, her arms crossed defensively.

Seeing my opportunity, I started splashing her, eliciting her playful shrieks and giggles. She swatted at the water, trying to shield herself, her face contorting into a hilarious expression of mock indignation.

- “No, stop it!” she squealed, her voice high-pitched, as she tried to cover her body with her arms. Her feet kicked the water playfully, sending up small sprays.
- “You wish!” I replied, splashing her even more, earning more squeals and laughter. She chased me around the shallow end, her laughter echoing through the air, her body language a mix of playful defense and joyful surrender. “You didn’t say the magic word!”
- “Stop it, SIR!”
- “See, that wasn’t very difficult,” I teased her earning her “BRRRRRRRR!”, that made me laugh even harder! “This is a rebellion!” I accused her, feigning indignation. She blinked her eyes innocently, playing the part of the offended party, making me laugh again.

We stayed in the water for more than an hour splashing like kids, and after we went out, I initiated truly the second part. I have stopped smoking regularly for about ten years, but once in a blue moon I liked to smoke one. I took out a cigarette, but I didn’t light it.

- “Andie, be a sport and go ask for a lighter!”
- “Yes, Sir!” she replied, and she tried to put on her top, but I stopped her.
- “As you are now!” I told her firmly, and she blushed deeply, her cheeks turning bright red. She stared at me, her eyes filled with indecision and a hint of worry, but I would have none of it. “Do I need to repeat myself, missy?” I asked, my voice stern and unyielding.
- “No, Sir, you don’t,” she replied, gasping resignedly.

She hesitated for a moment, her hands trembling slightly as she lowered them to her sides. With a final, reluctant nod, she turned and went to ask for a lighter. It was her bad luck that the first group doesn’t have any smoker, but the second had. One of the lads, greening like an idiot, gave her a lighter, and all the boys watched her as she came to me to offer me the lighter. When she tried to give it to me, I didn’t take it.

- “You have to offer it. Get down on your knees and offer to light my cigarette.” She didn’t reply, getting even more read, she did what I’ve asked her to do, earning the stares from all the groups in the beach. “Thank you. Now please return the lighter to its owner and thank him on behalf of your Master.” She looked at me, eyes wide, as if trying to decipher a riddle. “What are you waiting for?” I asked her with a firm voice. Andie, tail tucked, shuffled over to the guy and judging by the stares we get, first herself and after at me, she did what I’ve asked. She returned, her face blank. I Avoiding her gaze, I inhaled deeply, relishing the familiar sting in my throat. It was a habit I’d kicked years ago, yet I still enjoyed the sensation. “Andie?”
- “Yes, Sir?” she asked tentatively.
- “Why didn’t you stop me? Why did you continue, even though that made you clearly felt uneasy? Why didn’t you communicate your discomfort?”
- “I…” she started and then she stopped abruptly, looking at her feet. “I thought that… that was part…”
- “It is. That doesn’t mean that you have to obey blindly, we haven’t established this kind of relation.”
- “But…” she tried to reply, barely managing to looked in the eyes.
- “No buts,” I interrupted her, and she immediately looked down not having a response to give. “From all the sprint disciplines you chose 400m hurdles. Why?”
She stared at me, confusion etched on her face for a moment before her eyes lit up with passion. “I chose the 400m hurdles because it’s the ultimate test. It’s the most brutal sprint event, demanding a perfect mix of speed, endurance, and mental grit. Imagine sprinting full-out for an entire lap while clearing ten hurdles, it’s insane! I live for that challenge, you know? Pushing myself to the edge, digging deep when I think I’m done.”

She paused for a little, and she smiled.

- “And the tactics? Oh, I love that mental game. It’s not just about fast legs; it’s about mastering the rhythm between hurdles, adjusting your stride pattern on the fly, and maintaining perfect form even when your body’s screaming to quit. You’ve got to outsmart your opponents, executing the perfect race plan while battling fatigue and the constant interruption of your sprint rhythm. It’s as much a battle of wits as it is physical. You’ve got to think ahead, stay laser-focused on each approaching hurdle, push through the burn in your legs, and believe in yourself when everything screams to stop. It’s a test of will, determination, and how much lactic acid you can handle before your legs turn to jelly. And let’s not forget the sheer technical skill it takes to clear those hurdles with speed and precision when you’re utterly exhausted. It’s a constant balance—sprint, jump, land, recover, sprint again—all while your body’s begging you to slow down. That’s what makes it the ultimate challenge in track and field.”
- “What if you went all out in the first 200m?”
She chuckled, shaking her head. “You’d crash and burn in the last 100m, maybe even earlier. And with hurdles in the mix? Forget about it. You’d be stumbling over those last few barriers like they were mountains. But here’s the kicker—a slow start isn’t the answer either, at least not in the 400 hurdles. You might have gas left in the tank, but the runners in front of you would feel like they’re in another zip code, and you’d mess up your hurdle rhythm completely. Do you know where real art lies?”
- “Finding the balance?”
- “Exactly! It’s in finding that perfect pace that lets you clear each hurdle efficiently while conserving just enough energy. It’s about reading your opponents, predicting when they’ll falter on a hurdle, knowing exactly when to push your stride between barriers, and having enough in reserve to actually do it. You’ve got to time your surge perfectly, usually around the final bend, so you can attack those last few hurdles with everything you’ve got. It’s a high-speed chess match on a track with obstacles, where one misstep can cost you everything. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I didn’t reply, letting her own words sink in.

- “Oh!” she replied, her eyes widening with realization. “Shit!”
- “Running like a headless chicken without any plan will take you nowhere; you’re going to crash and burn. Taking a computer game analogy, it’s a possible kill screen.”
- “Ok, lesson learned,” she replied.
- “Um, what?”
- “Lesson learned, Sir!”
- “Good. So now you know that when something makes you uncomfortable, you must tell me at once. I may very well choose to continue, but in any case, you have to be open with me. And if you cannot continue, you will ask me to stop, plain and clear. I don’t want you to wear a brave face, I don’t want you to play it cool. Rome wasn’t built in one day.”
Andie’s eyes widened in surprise, her jaw dropping slightly. She took a step back; her expression was a mix of confusion and excitement. “But... but we have only two weeks,” she replied, her voice barely a whisper.
- “Two weeks, for now,” I said, a knowing smile playing on my lips.
- “What... what do you mean?” she asked, her voice rising in anticipation.
- “I wanted to surprise you,” I replied, my eyes sparkling with amusement. “I’ll be running a project, and ICS will be one of the partners. For the next two years, I will be a very frequent visitor, at least a week—maybe longer—every two months.”
Andie’s eyes widened even further, her mouth dropping open in astonishment. She stumbled backward, her hands raised in disbelief. “What?????” she exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement and disbelief.

Without thinking, she launched herself at me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. Her body trembled with excitement as she peppered my face with kisses, her laughter echoing through the air. She pulled away, her eyes sparkling with tears of joy. “Oh my god! Oh my god!” she repeated, her voice filled with disbelief and delight.

Her body language was a whirlwind of excitement and joy. She jumped up and down, her feet barely touching the ground. She twirled in circles, her arms outstretched, her laughter filling the beach. She even did a little dance, her body moving with grace and fluidity that belied her usual tomboyish demeanor. I nearly lost it; I don’t know how I managed not to burst into laughter, especially looking at how the other three groups stared at us, mouths agape. And truth be told, it’s not surprising that her dance drew their stares like a magnet. In her excitement, she started jumping and dancing without even realizing that she didn’t wear her swimsuit top.

- “You really gave them a performance to remember!” I teased her and she looked down unconsciously at her naked breasts. “That’s what I’m talking about!” I greened.
- “Ooops!” she said, chuckling.
- “I admit, it was quite a spectacle!” I continued teasing her. “Though I admit, I’ve never seen you dancing with such grace!”
- “That’s because you have never seen me dancing!”
- “That’s true!” I admitted. “So, let’s head back, I’m up since 05:30 and no longer young, I really need a quick nap!”
- “Ok, old man, let’s head home!”

I was so much more relaxed this time around. I enjoyed the entire motorcycle ride back from the start. At one point, I even gathered the courage to lean back against the backrest and soak up the wind on my face. There’s just something about riding a motorcycle that’s different, and despite my fear of them, I couldn’t deny how much more enjoyable it was, at least for summer trips.

It was quite a sight, really. The little thing, standing at 1,67, was piloting this 300-kilo, 200-horsepower beast with the ease I’d imagine I’d ride a 50cc scooter, if I ever decided to get one, which I highly doubt. Despite being only 23 and having been riding since she was 12—thanks to my crazy uncle—Andie was an incredibly experienced rider. And even though the V-Max could easily hit 230 km/h, she wasn’t gunning it. Judging by the wind in my face, I don’t think we went faster than 120. And to be honest, the roads, even the Heraklion-Rethymno National Road—back when there was no North Road Axis—weren’t really built for anything more. Our return trip took just under an hour, and we were back at her place around 7 PM.

When we finally got home, we took turns showering. After we were both done, I was exhausted and really needed a nap, especially since I had an early flight and had been awake since 5 AM. Andie suggested that I not sleep on the couch and generously offered me her bedroom.

- “What about you?” I asked.
- “I don’t want to sleep,” she replied. “I’ll probably just play a computer game or watch TV.”
- “Okay, please don’t let me sleep past 9 PM!”
- “No worries, go get some rest!”

Completely exhausted, I stumbled into her room and collapsed onto the bed. It was a king-size, which was a godsend for someone my height. But the best part was the mattress; it was a literal heaven for my aching body. As soon as I lay down, I was completely knocked out! When I finally opened my eyes, it took me a moment to figure out where I was. And then I realized that the little rascal had joined me in bed. She had somehow snuggled into my arms and was sleeping like a log. Talk about self-service! I smiled and carefully checked my watch, trying not to wake her up. Good thing I’d told her to wake me up before 9 PM. It was already 10 PM!

- “Andie?” I said softly, gently stroking her hand to wake her up. She mumbled something in her sleep and snuggled in closer. “Hey, sleepyhead,” I teased, giving her a little shake. That did the trick.
- “What... what happened?” she asked, trying to wake up.
- “You tell me!” I replied playfully. “I woke up and found you cuddled up in my arms, and it’s already 10 PM. I told you not to let me sleep past 9.”
- “Oops,” she said, grinning. “I couldn’t help myself; your arms are so comfy!”
- “And how did you end up in my arms, you little rascal?”
- “I was sleepy and wanted to sleep... and well, I saw a light and came in!”
- “Haha, what am I going to do with you?”
- “Cuddle me!”
- “You’re already in my arms!”
- “That’s different!” she replied, making me laugh again.
- “We still have to go to Azteca’s, you know?”
- “Oh, Kostas,” she pouted. “Can we leave it for tomorrow? I’m not really in the mood for Mexican food right now.”
- “So, what do you want to eat?”
- “What haven’t you eaten in a while?”
- “Lots! Cretan souvlaki! Antikristo! Staka! Xygalo!”
- “Okay, how about we go to ‘Ό,τι θες’ [=Whatever you want]?”
- “What’s that?”
- “Oh, yes, it was opened long after you left Heraklion. It’s a grill house, they have amazing meat, and they make antikristo over wood!”
- “Okay, sold! Where is it?”
- “It’s in Therissos, near Kazantzakis’ tomb. It’s about a ten-minute walk from here if we take 1821 Street. Or we could go by bike.”
- “No, I prefer to walk. That way, the food can settle before we get home.”
- “It’s settled, then,” she replied. “What do you want to do afterwards?”
- “My clubbing days are long gone!” I replied, and she chuckled. “We could go for a drink at Korai Square, though I highly doubt that ‘Avgo’ still exists.”
- “Unfortunately, it’s been permanently closed since the early 2000s.”
- “Hijaz?”
- “Also closed some years now...”
- “Shit...” I sighed, my breath escaping slowly, as if releasing a part of my past. It was as if the vibrant colors of my youth had faded into the sepia tones of old photographs, leaving me standing in the present, feeling the loss of a bygone era.
- “But you’ll have me,” she whispered, her eyes sparkling with a playful light that chased away the shadows of melancholy threatening to cloud my mood. I drew her into my arms, my lips brushing her hair with a tenderness that spoke volumes.
- “Yes, I’ll have you,” I murmured, my smile mirroring hers. “As the old song goes, “as long as we’re together, who cares about the weather?’”
And then, in a moment that seemed to pause time itself, she kissed me. 

 

9. Python Lessons

Her lips met mine with a sweetness that quickly blossomed into passion. At first, I was stunned by the intensity of it, but then a surge of desire coursed through me like electricity. Her kiss was deep and intoxicating, igniting a fire that spread from my lips to the very core of my being. My heart raced, with gentle insistence, I leaned over her. As she laid back, her arms encircled my neck, drawing me closer still. Our lips found each other again, fitting together as if they were always meant to be one.

In that moment, the world fell away. Her touch sent waves of blissful sensation through me, our bodies intertwining in a dance as old as time. The chemistry between us was palpable, electric, a force of nature that swept us both away. My hand began to explore her body, tracing a path from her neck down to her shoulders, and along her sides until it found its way to her left breast. The fabric of her tank top seemed to barely contain her, hinting at the warmth and softness beneath. As my fingers brushed against her skin, her body responded, tensing slightly before relaxing into the touch and a soft moan of pleasure escaped her lips.

I slipped my hand underneath the light fabric of her tank top, feeling the smooth, firm skin of her breast for the first time. A wave of desire washed over me, and I could feel my own body responding. Gently, I teased her nipple, feeling it harden under my touch. Another moan, louder this time, filled the room, and I knew she was lost in the sensation. I paused for a moment, my intention clear as I reached to lift her. She understood and sat up, quickly removing her tank top before lying back down. Leaning over her, I let my lips find hers, exploring their softness with tender bites and gentle kisses.

My mouth trailed down her jaw, alternating between light kisses and delicate nips, until I reached her left nipple. Meanwhile, my other hand continued to caress her right breast, drawing forth more of those intoxicating moans of pleasure. As I took her nipple into my mouth, her body arched towards me, pressing closer. Her hand found its way to my head, guiding me nearer. I sucked and nibbled gently, my other hand kneading her breast, sending waves of pleasure through her. I could feel her responding to every touch, every kiss, her body a piano and me the virtuoso.

I trailed my hand from her breast slowly, touching her with the tip of my fingers, to her belly, and then to her side, and then again to her belly. Each touch was deliberate, a soft caress that sent shivers down her spine. I could feel the goosebumps forming on her skin as her arousal became even stronger. I found my way to the waistband of her pants, and for some moments, she stopped breathing, but it wasn’t from uneasiness. I slipped my hand under the fabric, my fingers brushing against the soft skin of her inner thighs. She gasped, betraying her anticipation, her body tensing in a mix of excitement and desire. I felt her trimmed pubic hair under my fingertips for some moments, savoring the intimacy of the touch before guiding my hand to the center of her femininity.

My middle finger slipped inside her, like a hot white knife in the butter, and she gasped again. It was as if she had forgotten to breathe out, completely under my spell. I started to move, my finger exploring her depths, and her gasps turned to moans as her body arched like a bow. I bit her nipple hard, and the pain created an electric mix, sending waves of pleasure and discomfort through her. Her body trembled as if thousands of volts were passing through it, the combination of pain and pleasure overwhelming her senses. I started to lower myself, kissing and biting my way down her body, leaving a trail of fire in my wake.

I reached the waistband of her pants once more and started to pull them down. She instinctively raised her hips to help me, her body eager for more. I breathed in her intoxicating divine feminine aroma, a scent that was uniquely hers. I took my time, savoring the moment before using the tip of my tongue to start playing with her clit. Her body arched once again, her back bowing as waves of pleasure washed over her. I raised my head to look at her, her face a picture of pure ecstasy. She was biting hard on her top lip, a vain effort to keep herself from screaming out in pleasure. I smiled, a slow, satisfied smile, before returning to her clit, my tongue circling and teasing.

At the same time, I drove my middle finger inside her, earning a rather loud and uninhibited “AAAAAAAAAAAH.” Her body convulsed, her hips bucking against my hand and mouth as she surrendered to the wave of pleasure that swept over her. The room filled with the sounds of our passion, her moans and gasps speaking volumes of her desire, a raw and unfiltered expression of her ecstasy. Then, I did something she didn’t expect. I slowly withdrew my finger from inside her, savoring the sensation of her warmth and wetness as I did so. She looked at me with a mix of anticipation and curiosity, her breath coming in short, eager gasps.

I gently bit her clitoris, the slight pain creating a jolt of electricity that coursed through her body. Before she could fully process the sensation, I slid my finger inside her back door, the unexpected touch causing her to freeze for a moment. For some moments, she stopped breathing, her body tensing as she adjusted to the new sensation. Then, a louder, more intense ‘AAAAAAAH GODS AAAAAAAAAH!!!!’ erupted from her lips, a sound that was both a cry of surprise and a surrender to the overwhelming pleasure.

Without stopping, I continued to nip, bite, and lick her clit, sending waves of pleasure coursing through her. As my middle finger remained inside her back door, I slid my index finger into her vagina, starting a rhythm of in-and-out movements. The sensation was overwhelming for Andie, making her completely lose control. Her moans and gasps of pleasure escalated into screams, her body arching like a bow once again. She began to jolt and convulse, her hips moving in time with my touch.

- “KOSTAAAAAS! AAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAH!” she screamed again and again, her voice raw with ecstasy.

Her body writhed and squirmed as she climaxed, her feminine liquids filling my mouth and face. The taste of hers was intoxicating, a sweet nectar that drove me further. I could feel her body trembling, her muscles clenching around my fingers as she rode out the waves of her orgasm and her screams and moans of pure, unadulterated pleasure, each cry a raw and unfiltered expression of her ecstasy. I didn’t stop, coaxing every last drop of pleasure from her. I gave her a final gentle kiss on her clit, savoring the taste of her pleasure. As I shifted upwards, my embrace opening, a wave of contentment washed over me.

Still dazed, she clung to me tightly, her body quivering. Her heart raced against my chest, her breath coming in short, eager gasps. She held me as if I might disappear, her fingers pressing into my skin with a mix of desperation and need. Her eyes were closed, face a picture of ecstasy, lost in the glow of our shared passion. Looking down at her, a wave of tenderness surged through me. Her vulnerability was palpable, her body still trembling. I understood her need for closeness, her fear of solitude after such intensity. I wanted to comfort her, to assure her of my presence.

- “You took your python lessons very seriously,” I teased, a playful smile spreading across my face. She looked up, eyes sparkling with mischief. Suddenly, she burst out laughing, her mirth infectious.
- “Breathing is overrated!” she replied breathlessly, clinging tighter. Her flushed face nestled against my neck as she tried to catch her breath.
- “Well, your python skills are quite impressive,” I said giggling. “You certainly know how to handle a... situation.”
She giggled. “Though I’m a natural, practice makes perfect,” she purred. “And I hope we’ll have plenty of practice!”
- “You bet your ass we will!”
- “Kostas, may I ask you something?”
- “Of course!”
- “It’s more of an observation, really.”
- “I’m all ears!”
- “I... I expected you to ask me to pleasure you, but instead, you pleasured me!”
- “And...?”
- “I mean, you’re a Dom... Gosh, I don’t know what I mean!” she admitted, making me chuckle.
- “You’ll have your chances,” I assured her. “But Andie, wanting to please the person you love doesn’t make you submissive; it makes you human.”
- “You love me?” she asked, surprised.
- “Of course I love you, dumdum. What did you think?”
- “I... I’ve been in love with you since we first met... I...”
- “Loving and being in love are different things, Andie. It’s hard for me to fall in love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’m enamored with your humor, your raw intellect, your physique. But falling in love is more nuanced, at least for me. I don’t want to make empty promises. I may not reciprocate the strength of your feelings, but I do have feelings for you. I want the best for you, your happiness, to please you!”
- “It’s okay, Kostas. I know... I know.”
- “I love you too, dumdum!” I teased, making her almost purr. “So, are you up for a second round of chocolate at Utopia before heading to ‘Ό,τι θες’?”
- “Hahaha, you missed Utopia, didn’t you!”
- “You have no idea!”
- “So, what do you want me to wear?”
- “Nothing fancy. While I very much like how the tight pants accentuate your lovely curves, I would rather like you to wear a summer dress.”
- “Hmm, I only have night dresses for going out, but I promise, I will expand my wardrobe!”
- “Okay, in that case, a blue jean and a blouse will suffice.”
- “Kostas?”
- “Andie?” I asked in the same tone, earning a nervous chuckle. “What is it, sweetie?”
- “What… what is expected of me?”
- “Being yourself, Andie! Whether or not we continue to explore our power exchange, first and foremost, I want you to be yourself!”
- “I mean… do I need to ask for permissions and such?”
- “What I want is for you to tell me before doing, and I don’t mean the daily things, like what to eat or what to wear. When you go out, I want to know beforehand—who with, where, and what time you are planning to return.”
- “In that case, isn’t it safer to ask you for permission? I mean, I don’t want to plan to go out and then have to cancel because you didn’t want me to!”
- “No, you don’t need to ask me for permission. I have no intention whatsoever of denying you the chance to go out with your friends. As I said, I only need to know who with, where, and what time you’ll return. I won’t even text you or call you unless it’s something I deem urgent. What I require from you is that if I call you or if I text you anything that requires a response, you must answer!”
- “Okay… I mean, yes, Sir!”
- “Furthermore, each night before going to sleep, I want you to write me a brief report, no more than two pages, recapping your daily activities. While we will talk daily, I require this report from you. It may take you some time to understand why, but in time you will.”
- “Yes, Sir!”
- “For the time being, this will suffice. However—and I can’t stress this enough—anything that bothers you, I want to know IMMEDIATELY, even if we find ourselves oceans apart. Is this clear?”
- “It is, Sir!”
- “And something last, you will call me ‘Sir’ only when responding to a clear command. If you want to tell me anything else, you will use my name.”
- “It is clear, Sir. May I ask a question?”
- “You don’t need permission to ask any question, babe. If every relationship requires openness and clear communication, this kind of relationship requires it even more!”
- “You answered my question… babe!” she told me, her smile brightening her face.
- “That’s my girl!” I winked at her. “Now, my turn to ask questions. I assume you are not a virgin, and I sincerely hope that you weren’t underage when you lost your virginity.”
- “Though it wasn’t a question, I’m not a virgin, and to ease your mind, I had sex for the first time in my freshmen year at university.”
- “Interesting choice of words.”
- “I wasn’t in love, so…”
- “Okay. What’s your body count?”
- “Three, one of them in a drunken one-night stand. Don’t look at me that way; it wasn’t a rape. I wanted to have sex with him. Actually… I was the one who initiated it,” she said shyly.
- “Well… though I prefer you had a higher body count; you are only twenty-one, so there is that” I said, and she didn’t respond. “I assume, even in your drunken one-night stand, you had the presence of mind to use condoms!”
- “Of course I did. Don’t take it wrong… I… I always have a pack of condoms with me when… when going out. I mean… you never know!”
- “Why should I take this wrong?”
- “Because… I mean…”
- “Being a girl doesn’t mean you don’t have the same rights as the first guy to have recreational sex. We don’t live in the 19th century, Andie!”
- “Then why did you ask for the body count?”
- “Because I want to know how experienced you are. It wasn’t judgmental; as I said, I firmly believe that women should experience the joys of sex, just as any guy.”
- “Well, you guessed right, I have not much experience.”
- “And you shouldn’t feel ashamed of this, just as you shouldn’t if you have more experience. It is what it is, kiddo! Have you ever done oral sex?”
- “To a guy? No, not even close. I have been a recipient though multiple of times, though nothing compared to what you did… I don’t mean that I didn’t like when the other guys do this to me but compared to yours… it was like comparing a candle with a supernova!”
- “I’m glad you enjoyed it!”
- “Only enjoyed? I thought that I would pass out!” she said chuckling.
- “Well, I do enjoy oral, giving or receiving so…”
- “I will do anything to please you, Kostas!” she said staring into my eyes.
- “Unless I decide otherwise, I will always cum in your mouth and, again, unless asked you otherwise, you will always swallow.”
- “I will gladly do it, babe!” she assured me.
- “And I love anal,” I said, and she gulped. “Especially with a sculptured ass like yours. I will take it slowly and I will use a healthy dose of lube.”
- “My answer still stands; I will do anything to please you!”
- “Be that as it may, at any time you feel uncomfortable I want to know it immediately. I want to be absolutely clear about this, if there’s ever a moment when you feel that you cannot bear the pain or the discomfort any longer, I need you to tell me right away. Is that clear?”
- “It is, Sir!” she replied, her voice steady but with a hint of nervousness.

She stared into my eyes for a moment, as if gathering her courage. Then, as if she had made up her mind, she started lowering herself. The conversation we just had aroused me, and there was no hiding it. My body responded visibly, and she noticed. “May... May I?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper, her eyes fixed on my erection.

I nodded, giving her the encouragement she needed. She pulled down my pants, and I raised my hips to help her. My penis rose, free from its confinement. She stared at it for a moment, her eyes wide with a mix of awe and apprehension. It was as if the sight of my fully erect penis had enchanted her. She lowered her head even more, until I felt her warm, soft lips brush against the sensitive skin of my glans. She whispered to herself, “Here goes nothing,” and then she took me into her mouth.

 

10. The Chessboard of Life, or “What Trust Is”

I let out a soft groan, my body responding instantly to the sensation of her lips and tongue. She was tentative at first, her movements cautious and exploratory. I could feel her breath, warm and moist, as she began to move her head up and down, her lips creating a seal around me. The little experience she had was compensated for by her talent! For someone giving head for the first time, she was good, really good! For starters she managed to take almost two third of my full length without gagging, but more importantly she seemed to enjoy the very act, and there lies the secret of a good blowjob.

I reached down, gently placing my hand on her head, guiding her but not directing her. She looked up at me, her eyes questioning, and I offered her a reassuring smile. She seemed to gain confidence, and her movements became more fluid. She took me into her mouth as deep as she could manage, her tongue swirling around the sensitive underside of my shaft. The sensation was incredible, and I could feel the pleasure building within me. I continued to guide her, my hand gently holding her head, my hips moving in rhythm with her. The room filled with the sounds of our pleasure—her soft moans and the wet, sucking sounds of her mouth on me.

The whole ordeal was totally unexpected. With the exception of Lizzy and two other women in my life, all other first blowjobs I got at most were not quite satisfactory, if not mere disasters. Andie’s performance, however, was exceptional, especially considering it was the first time she gave head. If I never doubted even for a moment about her inexperience, it was because I trusted her and believed her, not by her performance, because, boy, her blowjob was easily a five star! I could feel myself getting closer, the tension in my body coiling like a spring ready to release.

- “Look at me,” I managed to say, my voice barely whisper. She looked up, her eyes meeting mine, her mouth still working on me. “Swallow,” I said, my voice firm but gentle.

She nodded, her eyes never leaving mine, and I felt the release as I came, my body shuddering with the force of my orgasm. “AAAAAAAAH” I nearly screamed, not able to contain my voice while erupting, emptying myself into her warm mouth. She took me in, swallowing as I had instructed, her eyes never leaving mine until the very last moment. She swallowed for the last time, and then she started leaking my penis, from its base to its head, cleaning any residue.
I gently pulled towards me. She looked at me, her eyes wide with surprise and a hint of uncertainty. “Come here,” I whispered, pulling her even closer. She hesitated for a moment, clearly not expecting what came next. I took her into my arms, my lips finding hers in a deep, passionate kiss. At first, she was startled, her body tensing slightly. But as the kiss deepened, I could feel her relaxing, her lips parting to allow my tongue to explore. I held her close, pouring all my gratitude and affection into that kiss.
When we finally broke apart, I looked into her eyes, my voice soft and earnest. “That kiss,” I said, “is my way of conveying not only my pleasure but also my gratitude. It doesn’t matter that we exploring power exchange, for me a Dom that doesn’t display gratitude from their sub, is a person not worth of this title. And… in the future, if you find yourself into my place, having a sub to pleasure you, you must do the same Andie.”
- “I promise you!”
- “Attagirl!” I said smiling. “In another but related subject, girl you are a natural. If you haven’t told me that it was your first time giving head, I would have thought that you are quite experienced.”
- “It was my first time, I swear!” she told me, her voice carrying a hint of worry.
- “I know, Andie. You don’t need to swear.”
- “But... but how do you know? How can anyone know?”
- “Because you’ve told me so, and I trust you. And to answer your second question, I can’t; that’s exactly what trust is.”
Andie paused, her eyes searching for mine. “A leap of faith, then?”
I smiled, recognizing the analytical mind at work. “In a way, yes. But it’s a calculated leap, based on years of observation and interaction. Your IQ might be off the charts, but trust isn’t about intelligence. It’s about consistency and honesty.”
- “Interesting,” she mused. “So, trust is both an emotional and a logical construct?”
- “Exactly!” I nodded. “It’s like that passage: ‘Act as if you have faith and faith shall be given to you.’ It’s not just a cliché; it has deep psychological and sociological implications. Your actions over the years have given me every reason to trust you.”
- “But couldn’t one argue that past behavior doesn’t guarantee future actions?” she countered, her mind clearly racing with possibilities.
- “Absolutely,” I agreed. “That’s where the ‘faith’ part comes in. But it’s not blind faith when it’s backed by a pattern of behavior.”

As I watched Andie’s mind race, trying to grasp the intricacies of trust, I couldn’t help but feel a surge of affection. Her intellectual curiosity was infectious, and I was drawn to her sharp wit and unwavering determination. I had known her for years, and all that time she had never, not even once, let me down. I had always admired her intelligence, but it was her humor and her emotional depth that truly captivated me.

And yet, I couldn’t help but question whether my trust was truly justified. After all, humans are fallible beings, capable of both great acts of kindness and terrible betrayals. But as I watched her contemplate the nature of trust, I realized that my faith in her was more than just a logical deduction. It was a leap of faith, based on a deep-seated belief in her character and the strength of our connection.

Andie’s eyes lit up, as they always did when engaged in intellectual discourse. “So, trust is just a complex interplay of past experiences, emotional connections, and logical predictions of future behavior?”
I couldn’t help but smile at her rapid analysis. “That’s a brilliant way to put it. And that right there - your ability to distill complex ideas so quickly and eloquently - is just one more reason why I admire you so much.”
Then she did something that she did only when she was truly excited, something that I truly adored and hadn’t seen her doing in years.

Athens, 2007

- “Think, Andie! Look at the shape. What is missing?”

Her gaze was fixed on the shape, as she poured all her formidable mental energy into the problem. I recalled the day her parents had informed me of her IQ score. At first, I was skeptical; the number they quoted was so far beyond the norm it seemed almost unbelievable. To put it in perspective, my own IQ of 150 is considered highly gifted. Yet, if one were to take these numbers at face value, even with an IQ as high as mine, compared to her I would appear as a peasant against a High Elf. But I’ve lived long enough to know better than to put too much stock in such measurements.

Don’t misunderstand me, I do believe that a high IQ is a good indicator of high intellectual capability. However, it primarily reflects one’s ability to solve specific types of problems, those typically found on standardized tests. True intellect, I’ve come to realize, is far more multifaceted. It encompasses not just raw problem-solving ability, but also creativity, emotional intelligence, and a host of other cognitive skills that no single test can fully capture.

Time and again, Andie demonstrated an intellect that seemed to transcend ordinary human capabilities, and it was not only her speed. For example, her ability to solve complex probability problems without formal training was nothing short of astounding. The human brain, by nature, struggles with an intuitive understanding of probabilities, which is why many such problems appear counterintuitive. Yet, Andie navigated them with ease.

I first tested her on the Monty Hall problem. Without hesitation, she stated, “He should change his initial choice.” When I probed for her reasoning, she responded with a question that left me speechless: “If there were 100 doors, and the host opened 98, would you still ask for my reasoning?” Her intuitive grasp of the problem’s core was remarkable.

Next came the 100 passengers on a plane problem. Almost instantly, she answered, “0.5.” This showcased her innate understanding of probability spaces and how alterations to these spaces affect outcomes—a concept that most people, myself included, find far from instinctive. But it was her solution to the one hundred prisoners’ riddle that truly astonished me. In just five minutes, she devised the optimal strategy. And she was only sixteen years old!

Given her extraordinary abilities, I was initially baffled by her struggles with high school Euclidean geometry. However, I soon realized the issue wasn’t a lack of understanding, but a lack of engagement. The standard high school curriculum simply failed to challenge her. In truth, nothing at school seemed to adequately stimulate her exceptional mind. Her teachers, through no fault of their own, were simply ill-equipped to keep pace with Andie’s intellectual prowess.

I decided to take a different approach. Instead of teaching ‘Elements’ in the traditional high school manner, I tailored my method to Andie’s unique abilities. While Euclidean geometry typically demands a level of abstraction and mathematical maturity beyond most sixteen-year-olds, Andie was far from typical. I maintained the rigorous nature of the subject but presented it as a series of intricate mental puzzles. This approach transformed the abstract concepts into challenges that captivated Andie’s brilliant mind. By framing the material this way, I finally succeeded in engaging her formidable intellect. This was the key to unlocking her interest and potential in geometry.

- “I’ve got it!” Andie exclaimed, her eyes shining with excitement. “If we construct a line between points A and P, we can demonstrate its orthogonality to BC. From there...” She proceeded to outline her solution, her words flowing with confidence and clarity. As I listened, I realized her approach wasn’t just different from what I had envisioned, it was remarkably more elegant, and once more she left me stunned.

When I told her this, her reaction was immediate and heartwarming. She clapped her hands together, her laughter bubbling up with pure, unrestrained joy. It was a side of Andie I’d never seen before—this open, enthusiastic celebration of her achievement. The sight was so endearing, so genuine, that I couldn’t help but join in her laughter. In that moment, I saw more than just Andie the prodigy; I saw Andie the teenager, reveling in the thrill of discovery. It was a beautiful reminder of the youthful spirit that drove her remarkable mind.
​

Heraklion, 2012

- “I love when you do that!” I told her, earning more enthusiastic claps. “So, get up to change clothes and let’s get going!”
- “Yes!!!” she replied with her warm smile almost lighting the room.

We got out of bed, and I put on my blue jeans and a blouse on which it said, ‘Let there be light’ and then the four equations of Maxwell in their integral form, earning her laughter. She put on a quite sexy blouse that accentuated her upper body, and blue jeans that did the same with her lower. Being an athlete, her body was sculpted like a statue, and she had no intentions of hiding it. Of course she chose 400m hurdles; if anything, or anyone didn’t truly challenge her, she quickly got bored, and that’s why despite being over twenty-one she had just two relationships in her life.

She admitted reluctantly that this was the reason she had a crush on me when we met: I could keep up with her lightning-fast brain, and I found ways to challenge its might. Being a young prodigy isn’t easy, and I know it firsthand. As I fared in my time, so did Andie; her family and her peers, on the one hand, admired her, but on the other, her intellect made them uneasy. While my intellect didn’t hold a candle compared to hers, it was high enough for her to see in me someone who she could truly admire by example and the only thing that started mattering to her was not to disappoint me.

We headed out, arm in arm, the evening air cool and refreshing as the sun was already set. As we walked, I said, “You know, I’ve always wondered—if you could have any superpower, what would it be?”
She thought for a moment, her brow furrowing slightly. “Hmm, that’s a tough one. I think I’d want the ability to understand and speak any language instantly. Imagine being able to communicate with anyone, anywhere, without barriers.”
- “Well, you learned …pythonese quite fast, so there is that!” I said, earning her laughter. “Furthermore, you are fluent in French, German, English, Spanish, Italian, Sparc Assembly, C, C++ and java!”
- “Be that as it may!” she replied chuckling.
- “Anyhoo, that’s a great choice, but I have to admit, I was hoping you’d say the ability to make Utopia’s hot chocolate appear out of thin air.’”
She laughed, playfully swatting my arm. “Well, that’s a useful power to have, but I think I’ll stick with my choice. Besides, if I have such magic powers we wouldn’t need to go to Utopia together, you wearing your nerdy blouse and me doing a free advertising for 501!”

We continued to banter back and forth as we strolled towards Utopia, our steps light and our hearts content. The anticipation of a hot cup of chocolate and the simple joy of each other’s company made the walk feel short. As we arrived at Utopia, the familiar warmth and aroma enveloped us, and we both let out contented sighs.

- “Home sweet home,” Andie murmured, her eyes shining with happiness.
- “Indeed,” I agreed, taking her hand and leading to seat. “Let’s go get our chocolate fix.”
- “Do you feel like having your ass handled to you?”
- “Most certainly, Mrs. Harmon,” I teased, earning her enthusiastic clapping that I loved so much.

While playing chess against Andie is an exercise in humility and... futility, I didn’t want to spoil her enthusiasm. Truth is that while I’m more than a decent chess player, I wasn’t a real challenge for her. As I wrote earlier, my biggest accomplishment all these years playing against her was managing not to lose before the thirtieth move. Once! That’s it! What hope could I have playing against a person who, given time, could visualize nine moves ahead?

We never played blitz, because, well, I always lost on time. But it doesn’t matter; our games usually didn’t last more than half an hour. I’d have my ass handed to me around the twentieth move, sometimes even earlier. But despite the inevitable defeat, I loved the challenge and the thrill of trying to keep up with her brilliant mind.

Tonight was no different. We sat across from each other at the small table in the corner of Utopia, the chessboard laid out between us. The scent of hot chocolate filled the air, and the soft hum of conversation and laughter surrounded us. Andie’s eyes sparkled with anticipation as she made the first move, her fingers deftly placing her pawn to e4. I mirrored her move, placing my pawn to e5. The game was on. For the first few moves, I held my own, trying to keep up with her, but as the game progressed, I could feel myself falling behind. Andie’s moves were swift and precise, each one calculated to maximum advantage. She seemed to read my mind, anticipating my next moves before I even made them.

- “Check,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper, as she moved her knight to f3. I looked at the board, my heart sinking as I realized I had walked right into her trap. I quickly moved my king to g6, trying to avoid checkmate, but it was too late. “It’s forced check mates in five to seven moves, depending on how you play.”
- “I don’t see it!”
- “Your funeral,” she responded, and she sent me an air-kiss.

It took me two more moves to finally see what she had already seen; she had me cornered. Her bishop swept across the board, and her rook joined in, threatening my king from every angle. Even with some difficulty I could visualize four moves ahead and then I could clearly see what the end was three moves ahead, and inevitable. I simply dropped my king.

- “You win some, you lose some,” I said stoically.
- “Well, you may lose in chess but all these years you have won something more important?”
- “If you mean your respect, I know babe, and I’m truly grateful and proud for that!”
- “No, dumdum. You won me!” she said, and taking my face in her heads gave me a passionate kiss.

 

11. Still a Better Romance Than Twilight

We kissed for a minute, but we stopped; this place wasn’t for this kind of activity, it was first and foremost a family place. Bantering and teasing each other, we played two more games of chess, and in both, I fared even worse. Anyway, it didn’t really matter; I played for the love of the game and for the challenge Andie posed, even though I couldn’t reciprocate the challenge, at least not in chess.

- “I would love to see you playing against a grand master; it would be like an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object!”
- “It would be a massacre; I harbor no delusions of grandeur. Listen, Kostas, we’re not machines. For us humans, chess isn’t just about raw computational power; experience plays an even more crucial role. In a simultaneous exhibition, where a grandmaster’s attention is divided among multiple opponents, I might have a fighting chance. But in a one-on-one match? They’d triumph, no doubt. If I played extremely cautiously, they might win on time, but realistically, they’d probably checkmate me long before that.”
- “I never understood why you didn’t study mathematics, or for what it matters, why you didn’t pursue playing competitive chess. You could be a top-notch mathematician and sure as hell, you could be a grandmaster in chess.”
- “Because I love both too much to risk losing them,” she replied, catching me off guard. “I truly love mathematics as I love chess but pursuing them professionally is an entirely different matter. That level of commitment carries the risk of eventual disillusionment. And frankly... Look, my mother instilled in me a love for chess, my father for motorcycles, and you for mathematics. The thought of losing my passion for these things feels like I’d be letting down the three most important people in my life. That’s a burden I just couldn’t bear—I simply couldn’t risk it!”

Her confession left me stunned. I knew that her initial crush had evolved into falling in love, but this revelation went deeper. Her words echoed in my mind, each one a testament to the profound impact I had on her life. The weight of her trust and affection was both a blessing and a burden, a responsibility that I felt deeply. As I processed her words, a whirlwind of emotions swept through me. Pride swelled in my chest, knowing that I had played a significant role in fostering her love for mathematics. Yet, simultaneously, I felt a pang of sadness, realizing the depth of her fear of losing something so precious, something that defined her.

I thought about the countless hours we had spent together exploring the intricacies of mathematics. Even at just sixteen years old she was the brightest person I’ve ever met. Each moment had been a journey of discovery, not just for her, but for me as well. I had seen her grow, her intellect blossoming like a flower in full bloom. Five years later, the idea that this could all be jeopardized by the pressures of professional competition was heartbreaking. Her fear was not unfounded. I had seen firsthand how the pursuit of excellence could turn into a double-edged sword, bringing both triumph and disillusionment. The thought of Andie facing that same struggle, of her love for these disciplines becoming a source of pain rather than joy, was unbearable.

I reached out, taking her hand in mine, feeling the warmth and familiarity of her touch. “Andie,” I said, my voice steady despite the turmoil inside me, “your abilities in mathematics and chess are a gift. It’s something that makes you unique and nobody can take this away from you and you know something? I trust your judgement. It’s your decision and nobody’s else, if you thought that this was the right thing you do, then this is it, end of story!”
- “I love you!” she barely managed to say, before bursting into tears.

I held her firmly in my embrace, allowing her to let it all out. I didn’t speak, I just held her tight. I gently stroke her hair, while she had buried her face in my neck, crying not like a grown woman she was, but like a little girl. Her body shook with each sob, her tears soaking through my shirt, a testament to the depth of her emotions. I could feel her heart racing, her breath coming in short, desperate gasps as she sobbed with relief. I held her closer. In that moment, nothing else mattered.

My presence, me holding her tight letting her let it out, was a very potent reminder that she wasn’t alone, that she had someone to lean on, someone to share her burdens with. Her tears slowly began to subside, her breathing returning to a steadier rhythm as she found solace in my embrace. As her sobs quieted, I continued to hold her, my hand gently tracing patterns on her back, offering a sense of calm and security.

Eventually, she looked up at me, her eyes red and swollen from crying, but filled with deep gratitude and love. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Thank you for being here for me.”
- “You don’t need to thank me, missy. That’s exactly what love is supposed to be. And whatever emotional traumas I have, whatever cross I was forced to bear my whole life, I do have feelings. I love you, plainly and simply.”

We had another round of tears. I couldn’t help but chuckle, but Andie knew it wasn’t about some sadistic pleasure. It was about me reflecting on my own struggles. Ironically, I’m the one who really needs to cry my heart out.

- “I’m a crybaby, live with it!” she retorted, half laughing, half crying.
- “Oh, intend to live it to the maximum, you are talking to a sadist” I retorted playfully, reminding her of my love for S&M plays.
- “Brrrrrrrrrrr” she responded, making me laugh uncontrollably.
- “God, you’re a piece of art!” I exclaimed.
- “I am!” she replied, making me laugh even harder. “Kostas, I… I never had any S/m play!”
- “Well, while I like them, I can very well live without them. I was just teasing you; we don’t have to do any of this if you don’t like.”
“But… but you’ve told me that you like S&M plays.”
- “I do, but you know what I like even more? You, numbnuts!”

And then we had our third round of crying. Well, as she said she’s a crybaby and as I said, I intended to live with it! Sue me!

- “Ok, one more question,” she told me after finished her third round.
- “I’m all ears. Please let’s not have a fourth round of crying, they will start believing that I’m mistreating you!”
- “Because as everyone knows, letting your girlfriend cry in your arms and holding her tight and stroking gently her head is a demonstration on raw brutality!” she retorted, making me chuckle.
- “Ok, what’s your question!”
- “You just replied!”
- “If I was to take a …wild guess, your question would be if we are boyfriend and girlfriend.”
- “Brrrrrrrrrrrrr”
- “Am I right or am I right?”
- “Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” she did again, crossing her hands defiantly.
- “I love you too, missy!” I replied bursting again into laughter, earning once more here enthusiastic handclapping.

In that moment, it dawned on me that what I cherished most about Andie wasn’t her extraordinary intellect, but her incredible sense of humor. How could I have ever doubted my capacity to return her affection? Reflecting on my past, I realized I had fallen in love twice before, with Rita and Lizzy. While both were caring, what truly captured my heart was their ability to make me laugh. It was their wit and humor that won me over. Yet, when it came to Andie, her humor was in a league of its own—Rita and Lizzy’s wit didn’t hold a candle against Andie’s dry wit, deadpan delivery, and sharp humor.

“Boy, for a man with your intellect sometimes you are slower than a paraplegic tortoise,” I heard Lizzy’s teasing me inside my head. “Welcome to the other side of the Rubicon, you big oaf!”

I shook my head, smiling at the mental image of Lizzy’s amused expression. Andie looked at me, her eyes sparkling with amusement and a hint of challenge. “You know, for someone who’s supposed to be brilliant, you sure can be dense sometimes,” she said, her voice filled with playful teasing.
- “Oh, I’m dense, am I?” I replied, raising an eyebrow. “Well, maybe I just needed a little push in the right direction.”
- “Well, consider this your push,” she said, her smile widening. “Now, are we officially a couple, or what?”
- “Officially?” I asked, feigning hesitation. “Well, I suppose if you insist...”
- “Insist?” she said, her voice filled with mock indignation. “I demand!”
- “Demand accepted,” I said, grinning. “Consider yourself officially claimed, missy.”
She laughed, her eyes shining with happiness and relief. “Good,” she said. “Because I’ve been yours for a while now.”
- “And I’ve been yours,” I replied, taking her hand in mine. “Even if it took me a bit longer to realize it.”

As we sat there, surrounded by the comfort of our shared humor and love, I suddenly realized that though I knew her for five years, she had me since her replying ‘If it were 100 doors, and the host opened the other 98 doors, would you ask me for my reasoning?’ I surely took my time, but as they say, ‘better late than never’. After all, what are five years in the face of eternity?

- “However, we need to tread carefully. You’re the daughter of my mother’s stepbrother, which means we don’t share any genetic relation. So, while our relationship isn’t incestuous in the biological sense, it’s still considered familial. Officially, we’re viewed as first cousins, and if people found out, they’d scream bloody murder. For better or worse, Andie, we need to keep our relationship private, and it won’t be easy.”
- “Yeah, I know,” she sighed.
- “Andie, I mean it, I am more than a first cousin. We have eighteen years difference in age, I’m almost forty and you are twenty-one, and I’ve been your mentor since we first met. There might be people that will accuse me of grooming you all these years, just to get into your pants.”
Andie’s eyes flashed with intensity as she spoke, her words pouring out with barely contained emotion. “It isn’t true, and you know it!” She gripped my hand tightly. “You were the first person that truly posed a challenge for me. The first who didn’t become uneasy because of my intellect. The first to admire me without a hint of jealousy or fear.”
She paused, taking a deep breath. “You were the first person that accepted me for who I really am. Do you know why I started the 400m hurdles? Yes, I loved the bodily and mental challenge, but what I really needed was not to be seen as just a nerdy girl.”
Her voice softened, filled with wonder. “And what did you do? You embraced my nerdiness. My nerdiness! Do you understand how rare that is?” She shook her head, a mix of disbelief and gratitude in her eyes. “I know I’m considered beautiful, but you didn’t give a damn about my appearance. The only thing that mattered to you was the nerdy brainiac—my true self!”
- “Do you remember what I told you when you told me that you loved mathematics because of their intrinsic truth?”
- “Yes, I do. You told me that this wasn’t true, that mathematics was just a game with certain rules, like movements on a chess board. They didn’t carry an intrinsic truth, what could be true in one system could be false in another, and you told me about non-Euclidean geometries. I was left stunned, it was fascinating. Truth was relative, not an absolute!”
- “Exactly!”
Andie’s eyes widened as realization dawned, her fingers absently tracing patterns on the table. “Oooh...” she said, suddenly getting my point. “I know, Kostas, don’t I know?” she asked, then sighed. “For better or worse, as you say, you are the first and the only person I’ve fallen in love with. Challenging as this might be, you know me well, I’m up for any challenge. I know that you knew I was in love with you. I also know that somehow, you’ve crossed a Rubicon. And knowing you, I’m sure this wasn’t something you did lightly. As you are trusting me, so I’m trusting you.”
A contemporary Romeo and Juliet,” I tried to tease her, knowing very well what her response might be.
- “Oh please, as if!” she retorted, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “First and foremost, our parents are just stepbrother and stepsister. Secondly, ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is nothing more than the story of two horny, immature teenagers who took their lust for love, leading them to their demise along with three other people!”
- “HAHAHAHAHA, I knew that this would be your response!” I said, laughing heartily. “You always were one to cut to the chase, though I think there’s something beautifully tragic about two people who love each other so much that they’re willing to defy all odds and conventions.”
- “Sure, if you’re into that sort of thing,” she said, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “But let’s be honest, most of the time, it’s just a recipe for disaster. Anyway, that thing between us, though definitely not conventional, it’s not exactly a Shakespearean tragedy.”
- “True, it’s more like a comedy. I mean, come on, the first thing I loved was your humor. Ok, the second, first I felt for your alien brain!”
- “Speaking of Alien, I couldn’t help but notice that facehugger and Ken is still a romance than ‘Twilight’,” she said casually, making me tear up from the laughter. “Not to mention the Shakespearean touch of everyone but Ripley and her cat dying!”, she continued without having any mercy. “What?” she asked playfully, as I stared her as a lovestruck teenager.
- “Life is a waterfall; we are one on the river and again one after the fall” I recanted the first verse of Aerials.
- “Swimming through the void, we hear the word, we lose ourselves, but we find it all,” she continued without missing a bit. She paused for some moments, then took firmly my hands into hers. Staring me straight in my eyes she started recanting again. “Aerials in the sky, when you lose small mind, you free your life.”
- “Well, small mind isn’t exactly how I would describe your alien brain, but you get the gist,” I said chuckling.
- “Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”

“Go, go Johny go, go!” I heard again the mocking voice of Lizzy inside my head. She liked to tease me by calling me from time-to-time Johny boy, as I was baptized as John-Constantine. What can I say, what would be the charm in life if we cannot troll ourselves a little?